Valuable advice from "The Ideal Muslim Husband"

An informative video by Sound Vision entitled "The Ideal Muslim Husband" was produced to discuss what Islam has to say about the characteristics of the ideal Muslim husband and his role, responsibilities, and rights in marriage.

Most Muslim men would like to be ideal husbands. And most Muslim women would, no doubt, like to be married to one. But, for some reason, the men are not ideal husbands, and the women will almost surely admit that they didn't marry one. So, why the discrepancy between our sincere aspirations and reality? Is it an inability on the part of the man, an impossible goal; or is it perhaps that we do not even know what an ideal Muslim husband is?

Wrong Concept of an Ideal Husband

A look at the matrimonial section of an Islamic magazine will quickly demonstrate that many Muslim men and women do not know what an ideal Muslim husband is. Muslim men looking for wives advertise themselves as doctors, engineers, and financially secure. Muslim women appear to be on the lookout for an established professional or more likely a handsome MD. Rarely do Muslim men and women even mention character, religious convictions, and attitudes as a priority. At most, they might be mentioned as a sidebar. It seems that many of us believe that a man is an ideal Muslim husband if he is handsome, makes a lot of money, and comes from an influential family. And the divorce rate among Muslims continues to rise.

Standard of Judging an Ideal Husband

As Muslims, we must base our judgment on what makes an ideal Muslim husband on the guidance of Allah and the example of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, not on the standards of a TV sitcom, the culture in which we were born, or our own materialistic mentality.

Participants on this Video

Using examples from the life of the Prophet, the words of the Holy Quran, and personal experience, a panel of Muslim men and women - Dr. Abdullah Hakim Quick, Dr. Jamal Badawi, Abdallah Idris Ali, Dr. Ingrid Mattison, Khadija Haffagee, Mariam Bhabha, and Abdul Malik Mujahid - talk about the qualities of a Muslim husband and the Muslim family.

Main Contents of this Video

They discuss such matters as a husband taking advice from his wife, communication within the family, the husband's helping the wife in the house, consultation (Shura) within the family, being a good example for the children, overlooking bad qualities in one's wife and focusing on her good qualities, and sharing the responsibility of raising the children.

First Characteristic of an Un-Ideal Husband: Hot Temper

A major problem in some Muslim marriages unfortunately is the husband's hot temper and harsh behavior. Some even go so far as to abuse their wives. Dr. Quick gives a word of warning to these men who often come from cultures that teach them to be tough and macho. He says that there should be no violence between husband and wife and that Muslim men should not be the kind of tyrannical fathers whose children run away and hide when their father comes home. He says that we have to separate our non-Islamic cultures from Islam. The ideal Muslim husband will base his behavior on Islam, not on his Arab, American, or Pakistani culture.

Second Characteristic of an Un-Ideal Husband: Egoistic

Another major problem in Muslim marriages is the husband's failure to consider his wife's opinions. In fact, Abdallah Idris Ali says that the failure of the Muslim Ummah as a whole has to do with our failure in practicing the concept of Shura (consultation). People think that they are right and others are wrong, he says. We will do much better if we consider the opinions of others and let them feel that they are a part of the decision-making process. Along the same lines, Dr. Quick points out that if a woman makes a true (haqq) point, the husband should submit to it. He should in no way reject a point just because it comes from a woman. Demonstrating the huge difference between the way the Prophet dealt with his wives and the way Muslim men deal with their wives today, Abdallah Idris Ali tells the story of the time when Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was sleeping under one cover with his wife Ayesha, and he asked her permission to get up to pray.

Third Characteristic of an Un-Ideal Husband: Unhelpful

The failure to help in the house and to help with the raising of the children are well-known weaknesses of husbands. The video makes it clear that Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, helped in the house, and Abdul Malik Mujahid says that a man cannot be an ideal Muslim husband, or even close to a good husband, if he leaves the responsibility of children completely to the mother. Khadija Haffagee tells the story of a father who took a three-month-old infant to pray with him and after the prayer did the 'tasbih" on the child's hand. This, she said, was training by the father. Dr. Quick warns that when training our children, we should be careful not to raise sons with a double standard where they have no household responsibilities. If we do, they will likely grow up with the attitude that they don't need to do this kind of work - that they are above it.

Prophet: An Ideal Father

As a beautiful example of a healthy father-child relationship, Abdul Malik Mujahid tells the story of how the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, used to stand up for his daughter Fatima, kiss her, and give her his seat when she came to him. This was in an age when people preferred sons and looked down on having daughters. With this simple act, the Prophet showed us how to express love and affection for our children - an essential quality for an ideal Muslim husband.

An Ideal Ex-Husband

Being an ideal Muslim husband, however, goes even farther than the marriage, Dr. Quick points out. Even after a divorce, a Muslim husband must strive to be the best ex-husband. A husband shouldn't be Mr. Kindness in marriage and then treat his wife badly in divorce, Dr. Quick says. He must divorce her in the best manner with good treatment.

Other Valuable Advice

This video goes beyond just talking about an ideal Muslim husband and deals with ways to improve the family. It attempts to prevent many marital problems by advising young people who want to get married. After informing them about what makes an ideal Muslim husband, it cautions them to be concerned about these qualities - not just the material aspects - when considering a prospective spouse.

In fact, what emerges from the video is that being an ideal Muslim husband has very little or nothing to do with the amount of money one has, physical beauty, or the prestige of one's job. Rather, it has to do with one's commitment to Allah, one's knowledge of and willingness to follow the guidance of Allah and the Prophet's example, and one's commitment to do righteousness even in difficult situations. The ideal Muslim husband should be humble, gentle, kind, considerate, caring, loving, open to good advice, willing to cooperate with others in the family rather than dictate rules, helpful in the house, involved in raising the children, and never abusive either physically or mentally.

No doubt, this is a very tall order. Becoming an ideal Muslim husband will certainly not be easy. It will take a jihad against 'jahiliyyah" thinking, selfishness, ego, vanity, anger, pride, and arrogance.

Bottom Line

Full of excellent advice, encouragement, and wisdom, this video should help any Muslim husband to improve. Although there are no guarantees that he will ever become an ideal Muslim husband, it will, InshaAllah, start him on the way.

Comments

Very informative. My husband converted to muslim some years ago. And I don't see much of those qualities in him. We have had some ups and down in our marriage and I know they really challenge our relationship. I have made some bad decision sometimes. And so did he. I am always ready to forgive because I love him but he holds everything that he thinks about against me. He has even been unfaithful or have and still have relationship with someone else but tells me friendship but not sexual. But he still goes to prayers and say he is a good muslim. And he does that because I am not a muslim. He said if I dont become a muslim he will leave. but I fear if I become it will be worse. He said he treats me that way because I am not a muslim. are none muslim wife treated differently?

Location

Netherland Antilles

At the rick of bragging young Muslim brother and sister should understand that marriage is not just a enjoying certain period of life they should understand the responsibility of the husband towards the wife. He should always cop orated with each situation of the life atlest in this they should follows Islamic rules

Location

Hyderabad

I was an Aga Khani (ismaili) and converted to right path during 1981, in Dubai. I was trying for my marriage and it was very difficult situation for me. as all my family members were Ismaili's and no body was ready to marry me,inspite of having a Bank Job and all the resources like wealth,luxury of life etc. etc. . Then I put my faith in Allah and married a Ismaili woman in 1989 and on wedding night I told her I do not believe in Ismailism and you are free to follow whatever you want without forcing her to change that time. After my marriage,by my good treatment towards her and by the WILL OF ALLAH, she also changed and now she has more knowledge of ISLAM, than me and Allah has given us everything you can imagine. Thanks Allah, you have given me more than I deserve.

Location

USA

the goodmuslim should have riches in one place only,his heart,so that he will be a source of great wealth and blessings for his wife ,status and money are egolisic goals of satan when they are misused by weak muslims who upon becoming wealthy become vain an d haughty,full of arrogance like iblis,a humble pious manwho is kind caring,is the role model all muslim men should aspire to be

Location

london

Very nice mashAllah

Location

ADELAIDE

At first I thought you were talking about a christian husband or me (lol),we are all in the same boat doesn"t cost anything to be nice lovely ideals to strive for us all,God bless david

Location

montreal

Almight Allah bless you for whom wrote this article. Actually today increases the divorse rate due to lack of knowledge on Islamic Concepts. Insha Allah, Allah may need to help all the mumin to go in the right path of Prophet Muhammad Sallaahu Alaihi Wasallam, Aameen, Jazakallahu Hiraa

Location

Sri Lanka

My comment is that if Islam tells them how to do all that then why are muslim opressed the most? Why are majority of muslim men such tyrants even after going for hajj every year and so called praying in the mosque? I married for only the reasons mentioned in the artical, an average looking man with less money and lots of responsibilities. That man turned out to be the worst practicing muslim man who is still considered very good at Toronto masjd. The maulanas seem to cover up each others faults and not stand up for jsutice. Unfortunately I know many ex muslim women who have left Islam due to all of these issues and no support from the community and the church has been wonderful to them. Do u blame them for crossing the line? I don't... Wassalam Sarah an ex wife of a pios muslim man in Toronto.

Location

Toronto

Assalamoalikum brothers and sisters, it is a nice article most of the muslim who dont know to read and write or to operate the computer they will never come to know about this things and would like to suggest everyone who can help the ummah to know about this should give this knowledge to everyone in the meetings and gatherings also.

Location

Bangalore

Jazakallah for a very helpful and insightful article. It really was very well-written and a very pertinent topic. Islam is about submitting oneself to Allah's will and not about our own egos. This article was a refreshing reminder of what muslims should aspire to be. I will be marrying, inshallah in a few weeks time to a wonderful man who alhamdullilah displays these characteristics. I wanted to share with you that my fiance and I both prayed for our partners. It seemed almost impossible to meet someone for me as I had a very busy schedule and many obligations but the important thing is belief in Allah, for it is not always what we see in front of us that hold the answers. I prayed to Allah and said that I didn't know how I was going to meet someone but whatever way it was, please could he "sort it out" to meet the right person, the one that he would like for me. It was Allah's will that we should meet in an accident!! It was amazing and 6 months later we are marrying! Brothers and sisters out there, have faith - Allah gives us signs to help us when we are not sure. Be open to the signs. Salam.

Location

London

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