For children of any age, divorce can be challenging to process and understand. Divorce happens for many reasons. Sometimes couples drift apart over time, struggle with incompatibility, face economic hardship, or endure more serious issues like infidelity or even domestic violence. Muslim families need to know that these challenges can and do occur within our communities. Muslims are not immune to the realities of divorce, and Islam does not ignore them. Both the Quran and the Sunnah provide clear guidance on how to approach marital discord and separation with dignity, justice, and compassion for everyone involved.
It is commonly understood that divorce is the most disliked of the lawful things in Islam. The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “The most hateful of lawful matters to Allah is divorce.” (Sunan Abi Dawud, 2172).
Nevertheless, it is a necessary option in some cases. Divorce is not a failure when it is done for the right reasons and with the right intentions. No Muslim couple should feel shame for taking steps to end a marriage according to Islamic principles. It can be a way to protect the well-being of all family members, especially the children.
When children are educated on the subject, understand its purpose, and receive the emotional support they need, they may be better prepared to cope with this change in a healthy way. One of the first things we can teach them is that Islam views divorce as a mercy from Allah. Unlike some other faith traditions in which marriage is considered a permanent bond “until death do us part,” Islam allows for the end of a marriage if it no longer fulfills its purpose. This is an important distinction. A person must not be forced to stay in a relationship that is harmful, loveless, or emotionally damaging. Allah, in His infinite wisdom, created marriage to bring peace and comfort to people’s lives. When that peace is no longer possible, He made a way out.
The Quran outlines the rules of divorce in detail. It addresses the waiting period, the fair treatment of spouses, financial responsibilities, and the possibility of reconciliation or remarriage. Alongside these verses, the Sunnah provides practical and compassionate examples of how the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, handled divorce among his companions and even within his own family.
Muslim parents can use Prophetic teachings to help their children understand that love, mercy, and justice are values that apply not only in marriage but also in how it ends. These are tools that can help children feel secure even in times of change. There are wonderful stories in the Seerah of how the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, counseled couples and helped them through separation and divorce. Below, I will list just a few examples along with the lessons we can obtain from them.
1. The Divorce of Zaid ibn Haritha and Zaynab bint Jahsh
The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, always encouraged reconciliation before divorce. He advised couples to try to resolve their differences, but when those efforts failed, he permitted them to part in a dignified and respectful way. One of the most well-known examples from his lifetime is the marriage, divorce, and eventual remarriage connected to Zaid ibn Harithah and Zaynab bint Jahsh, may Allah be pleased with them. Their story is often mentioned because it addressed both personal and societal challenges of the time.
Anas ibn Malik, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that Zaid ibn Harithah came to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, complaining about his wife, Zaynab. The Prophet advised him, saying,
“Fear Allah and keep your wife” (Sahih Bukhari, 7420).
Despite this sincere counsel, the marriage continued to suffer. Zaid, a formerly enslaved man whom the Prophet had adopted as his son, faced difficulties in his relationship with Zaynab, a noblewoman from Quraysh. Their differences in background created strain, and the marriage eventually ended in divorce.
Following the divorce, Allah commanded the Prophet to marry Zaynab. This was not for personal desire but to break a pre-Islamic taboo that equated adoption with biological ties, making marriage to an adopted son’s former wife forbidden. Through this marriage, Islam clarified that adoption does not carry the same legal status as blood relation, and it affirmed the rights and dignity of all believers, regardless of their social status.
There are many lessons to be learned from this story, but when it comes to teaching children, this example demonstrates that even when divorce occurs, it can lead to a greater good. In the case of Zaid and Zaynab, it was for the sake of understanding, growth, and a broader benefit to the community.
2. The Story of Barira and Mughith
A similar story occurred between two companions who were married while they were both enslaved. After the wife, Barira, was granted her freedom, she no longer wished to remain married to her husband. She felt no connection or compatibility with him, and since he remained enslaved, their relationship would have faced additional challenges.
The Prophet’s cousin, Ibn Abbas, narrated their story, saying her husband used to follow her weeping, with his tears flowing down his beard, while she ignored him. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, asked Barira,
"Why don't you return to him?"
She said, "O Messenger of Allah! Do you order me to do so?"
He said, "No, I only intercede for him."
She said, "I am not in need of him." (Sahih Bukhari, 5283)
From this moving account, Muslims can learn a great deal about respect, consent, and emotional boundaries in marriage. Although the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, felt compassion for Mughith, he did not force Barira to stay in a marriage she did not want. Instead, he honored her right to choose, even when that choice caused pain to the other party.
This story is especially significant to teach young people. It reinforces the principle that no one should remain in a marriage against their will. It also teaches empathy for those who experience rejection and heartbreak, while showing that mutual consent is essential for a healthy marriage.
3. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, helps a woman remarry
Another powerful story is that of one of the female companions, Fatimah bint Qays, who reported that her husband had divorced her three times. After her waiting period began, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, did not assign her a housing allowance or maintenance. He said to her,
“When your waiting period is over, come to me.”
When she returned, she informed him that she had received marriage proposals from Mu’awiyyah, Abu Jahm, and Usamah ibn Zayd. The Prophet advised her, saying:
“As for Mu’awiyyah, he is poor and has no property. As for Abu Jahm, he is a man who often beats women. Rather, choose Usamah ibn Zayd.”
Although she initially expressed hesitation about marrying Usamah, the Prophet told her,
“Obedience to Allah and His Messenger is better for you.”
Fatimah later said,
“I married him, and I was envied.” (Sahih Muslim, 1480)
Not only did the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, assist his companions with matters related to divorce, but he also supported them in finding suitable spouses for remarriage. He ensured that both men and women had the opportunity to begin a new chapter of life with love and dignity.
This and the previous stories are helpful reminders that divorce is not the end. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, did not condemn divorced individuals or treat them as outcasts. Instead, he respected them and encouraged fair treatment regardless of gender. Through these examples, we can teach our children that divorce, while painful, is not shameful. It is part of the human experience and has a place in our faith. Children should understand that life continues after separation and that their parents may still find happiness, companionship, and stability. Most importantly, children need reassurance that they will continue to be loved and supported, regardless of any changes that may occur within the family.
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