Reasons to consider divorce |

Reasons to consider divorce

Reasons to consider divorce

The divorce rate in America is one of the highest in the world (over 50 percent). But the divorce rate of Muslims in North America is almost as high, according to New York based sociologist Ilyas Ba-Yunus.

Yes, it's true. Muslims today are divorcing in larger numbers than before. There are clearly problems within families that have not been addressed: dysfunction, miscommunication, and in a number of cases violence and abuse.

But while Muslims are taking this step in larger numbers, what does Islam have to say about it?

The Islamic perspective on divorce

"Divorce is something that is very much discouraged in Islam," explains Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi, president of the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA).

"It is called, according to one of the Hadith of the Prophet Sal Allahu alayhi wa Sallam (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) 'the most hateful thing that is permissible.'"

This stance discouraging divorce needs to be seen in a balanced way, notes Siddiqi.

"It has to be used very carefully," he says.

What are some legitimate reasons for a couple to consider divorce?

There are definitely valid reasons Muslim men and women can seek divorce.

"One legitimate reason is if there is immoral behavior, unIslamic behavior on the part of a spouse," says Siddiqi. "If a spouse is involved in that, then there is a breakdown."

"For example if one of the spouses, God forbid, is involved in adultery or fornication. In that case, they have a right to separate and this is a legitimate ground for separation."

Another valid reason for divorce is apostasy on the part of either spouse. If a Muslim man or woman's spouse leaves Islam, Siddiqi says the marriage is null and void and the couple can no longer be together.

Abdalla Idris Ali is a member of ISNA's executive body and former president of the organization. He adds to the list of legitimate reasons for seeking divorce dishonesty prior to marriage.

For instance, if a husband told his wife before marriage that he did not consume alcohol or drugs and she discovers after marriage that he is an alcoholic or drug addict.

Some other reasons are:

  • a woman was married before and she did not tell her husband
  • a woman marries man and he is impotent, and she finds out after marriage.
  • cruelty
  • a man's inability or refusal to support his wife
  • a wife's refusal to live with her husband or be with him.
  • if one of the spouses is unable to have conjugal relations
  • one spouse feels repulsion towards the other.

Ali, however, cautions against jumping to divorce quickly and adds that every case has to be looked at individually.

"It is one thing to speak about a ruling. It is another thing to speak about a judgement in a certain case," he says in an interview with Sound Vision and

"If you ask me now, what is the ruling in Islam for a young man who commits Zina (adultery and fornication)? I'll tell you Allah says, give him 100 lashes. This is what the Quran says."

"But you bring me a man and say, this man committed Zina. I'm not going just to give him 100 lashes. This is a case. I have to investigate it, to see whether he did it, you cannot just go and apply the rule."

Illegitimate reasons to seek divorce

Along with legitimate reasons for seeking divorce, Siddiqi and Ali also point to those that are not so acceptable.

Siddiqi gives the example of a husband not liking the way a wife cooks or dresses.

"One should not expect perfection on the part of the spouse because nobody's perfect except Allah and His Messenger. Everybody has shortcomings," he says in an interview with Sound Vision from his home in Orange County, California.

"One should have willingness to sacrifice some of the things," he adds. "This is how the family is established, how it becomes a better family.

Another reason that should not be grounds for divorce is just moodiness on the part of a spouse, says Ali.

What can couples do to avoid divorce?

Siddiqi recommends the following steps to couples who are in difficulty:

1. Both spouses should have the fear of Allah. They should remember that if they are unfair to their spouse, they will be judged on their behavior by Allah.
2. They should try to resolve the problem amongst themselves, then within family members
3. They should not hesitate to involve other members of the community. For instance, they should not feel ashamed or embarrassed to meet and speak with their local Imam (if he is someone fair and trustworthy to the husband and the wife).
4. Seek counseling, preferably from a Muslim counselor. If that is not possible than from a non-Muslim counselor. However, they should be aware of Islamic guidelines so they can take advice from that which is in line with Islamic values.

"As physically we can get sick, our relations also can get sick sometimes," says Siddiqi. "The sooner we take care of this problem the better. We should not prolong it. We should resolve the differences as soon as possible and as much as possible. But when problems go on and on, then the wounds will grow."

Siddiqi recommends Muslim couples draft a prenuptial agreement and specify that all conflicts in marriage should be resolved Islamically and in the case of divorce, this process, if it happens, is also handled in a manner in line with Islamic guidelines.


Asc my sister marriage means sacred bond that has to respected by following the Guidance of Allah s.w ask yourself this questions. what am doing Hall in the eyes of Allah

2.Am I taking advantage of someone who loves me genuinely.

3. Is it the right thing to do .

4.if the other partner is stable enough to take care of us can I get divorce be be in a halal relationship ship with him by marrying him .

Allah knows best but go back to Allah and you can't have partner outside your marriage fear Allah.






I dont know what to do. My husband converted to Islam a few years ago. Before we married he made all sorts of promises about staying in the religion etc. Since we married he no longer wants to be Muslim or practice? What to do I do? I left him and separated and prayed istigarah Salah. Things got better, he made promises and we moved back in together. When I am with him he practices a bit like fasting or making salaah. I try to be the best muslim infront of him as an example. I dont know if Allah wants me to stay with this man to help guide him eventually to Islam? I love him very much and just want his soul to be saved from any punishment. I want everyone's soul to be saved because we are all Allahs creation. I want everyone to experience the beautiful religion of islam. But it's not my decision who is guided and who isnt. I ask Allah to guide him every single day. I do not know if I need to be patience and continue praying or leave. Each time I pray istigarah, things get a little better and I continue to stay. So what should I do? I dont know if this is my test. I should add that he treats me very well and does not disrespect me or mistreat me in any way. I live a very good life with him but this is the only thing that is missing. What should I do? 




I guess the mistake I made was marrying my husband out of anger .......I left my ex boyfriend and married my current out of annoyance.... He is the total opposite of me but when I realized my parents kept pushing me into it because they knew his parents as nice people which they actually are but my husband isn't a replica of his parents . He is rude which I have been trying to make him mind how he talks to people , he is stingy and although I work but I have been use to men doing things for me and I can't imagine catering for myself in my husband's home..... We have a child together and I constantly have to fight to make sure he is financially responsible for us which I am sick and tired of..... I think I am better off been single and him out of the picture because I just cannot stand him .... besides we never  got married based on love and this amongst others is why I want out of this marriage so bad ....I just want to be alone 



My husband lied all through our courtship I didn’t know till we marry I’m stuck to feeding clothing and paying my hospital bills bcoz what can I do I want to leave he doesn’t want to divorce me



Assalamu Alaikum warahmatulLah Wabarakatuhu. My dear sister, to my surprise we are bearing same name and also having the same issue. Currently I need to get a divorce no matter what and how long it will take. I really need to make it to Aljannatul Firdaus, and with the way my spouse is behaving I don't know if Allah will forgive me(for not taking any legal action) so I can get a chance to marry another God fearing man, whom we can warship Allah in the best of manner. May Allah increase our Iman and Taqwa Amin.




Been married for 6 years with my wife, whom I fell in love with at a young age. Made it halal and got married later on. Things have spun for the worse as time flew. We've been constantly fighting on a regular basis, to the point that our marriage turned toxic. It is not something we wanted. I try my best to pray all the salah, keep a halal mindset, keep distance with non mahram girls.


One day, we had an argument, and in the middle of it, she admitted she cheated on me. My heart sank futther and finally broke. She told me it happened once and that she deeply regrets it.

I advised her to pray and seek forgiveness from Allah. She still doesn't pray, she is active on social media (I'm hardly active). I have been in and out of depression, thinking about whether divorce is best or continue.

Its a traumatic experience, and I do not feel that I can ever trust her again. I feel as though she has not sincerely repented to Allah as she does not pray but I'm giving her the benefit of the doubt. I am deeply traumatised. I tried my best to be a good husband but how can I when theres too much toxicity, when I do not feel like she is not comprising (or better yet, she does not compromise in the best way i.e. Praying).

It seems like she hasn't told me the full detail, that she is lying, she's being deceptive to not hurt me more (but what else can cause more hurt than this) or she's trying to make herself feel better.

I did cheat on her, but we weren't married at the time. 6 years into marriage, she cheated on me. 



As you have mentioned that you were in love at an young age, did you perhaps cheat on her during that time when you both were in love. Cz probably she found out about it from somewhere and has now perhaps lied to you that she cheated on you too just to make you feel the guilt of what you had done that time. Probably it's haunting her that how could you cheat when you used to love her. Probably she's got trust issues. An advice would be to sit down with her and talk it out. Resolve it out. Cz 6 years into a happy marriage there's no reason to cheat. Kindly take it positively. Just trying to save your marriage 



Hey just read your msg , I’m going through a similar situation (I’ve been married for 11 years and have three children ).
 I’m so sick and tired of my husband’s emotional abuse ,my children witness these incidents and I try my best to avoid any fights in front of my kids but he doesn’t give a damn ! Honestly he’s put me through so much and I don’t know why I’m still with him ! I cant express my feelings to him,everytime I do he makes it in to a fight . Our relationship is so toxic !he started of this marriage with lies !!



I am in the same boat, I found out my husband was cheating when I was pregnant with our 3rd. We always had problems since. We had an arranged marriage back home and he told me on the night of our wedding that I was ugly compared to his girlfriend, he slapped me because I didn't pick out Clothes for him when he was visiting his girlfriend and I was only 2 weeks married. When I came back to the UK I really wanted to end things and I was told that I would make up stuff just to get away with it and men are like that it's not a big deal, when he came to the uk we always had problems and he always treated other girls better, we would fight about all this but everyone believed that I was the issue. Then I finally got proof of his affair and have the recording of his conversation with the work colleague he was seeing. It was clear that he had a relationship as he was talking about him kissing her and touching her. He bear me up in front of my children and my family told me to stay for the children's sake. I can't do this anymore I'm tired and want to get out but everyone thinks that I'm not trying hard enough! I also told him to pray and ask for forgiveness yet he doesn't pray. He told me that im jealous as he liked her p**** more. He strangled me punched me and picked up a table and hit me and it hit our 2 month old son. I'm going crazy, I want to get out but no one seems to support me. 



Please call the police and get proper help from the authorities it is the only

way to get out of this alive and in one piece. Please do it for yourself and your children, call the police and get out of there before you or your kids get killed. Wishing you all the best on your journey




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