Reasons to consider divorce |

Reasons to consider divorce

Reasons to consider divorce

The divorce rate in America is one of the highest in the world (over 50 percent). But the divorce rate of Muslims in North America is almost as high, according to New York based sociologist Ilyas Ba-Yunus.

Yes, it's true. Muslims today are divorcing in larger numbers than before. There are clearly problems within families that have not been addressed: dysfunction, miscommunication, and in a number of cases violence and abuse.

But while Muslims are taking this step in larger numbers, what does Islam have to say about it?

The Islamic perspective on divorce

"Divorce is something that is very much discouraged in Islam," explains Dr. Muzammil Siddiqi, president of the Islamic Society of North America (ISNA).

"It is called, according to one of the Hadith of the Prophet Sal Allahu alayhi wa Sallam (may the peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) 'the most hateful thing that is permissible.'"

This stance discouraging divorce needs to be seen in a balanced way, notes Siddiqi.

"It has to be used very carefully," he says.

What are some legitimate reasons for a couple to consider divorce?

There are definitely valid reasons Muslim men and women can seek divorce.

"One legitimate reason is if there is immoral behavior, unIslamic behavior on the part of a spouse," says Siddiqi. "If a spouse is involved in that, then there is a breakdown."

"For example if one of the spouses, God forbid, is involved in adultery or fornication. In that case, they have a right to separate and this is a legitimate ground for separation."

Another valid reason for divorce is apostasy on the part of either spouse. If a Muslim man or woman's spouse leaves Islam, Siddiqi says the marriage is null and void and the couple can no longer be together.

Abdalla Idris Ali is a member of ISNA's executive body and former president of the organization. He adds to the list of legitimate reasons for seeking divorce dishonesty prior to marriage.

For instance, if a husband told his wife before marriage that he did not consume alcohol or drugs and she discovers after marriage that he is an alcoholic or drug addict.

Some other reasons are:

  • a woman was married before and she did not tell her husband
  • a woman marries man and he is impotent, and she finds out after marriage.
  • cruelty
  • a man's inability or refusal to support his wife
  • a wife's refusal to live with her husband or be with him.
  • if one of the spouses is unable to have conjugal relations
  • one spouse feels repulsion towards the other.

Ali, however, cautions against jumping to divorce quickly and adds that every case has to be looked at individually.

"It is one thing to speak about a ruling. It is another thing to speak about a judgement in a certain case," he says in an interview with Sound Vision and

"If you ask me now, what is the ruling in Islam for a young man who commits Zina (adultery and fornication)? I'll tell you Allah says, give him 100 lashes. This is what the Quran says."

"But you bring me a man and say, this man committed Zina. I'm not going just to give him 100 lashes. This is a case. I have to investigate it, to see whether he did it, you cannot just go and apply the rule."

Illegitimate reasons to seek divorce

Along with legitimate reasons for seeking divorce, Siddiqi and Ali also point to those that are not so acceptable.

Siddiqi gives the example of a husband not liking the way a wife cooks or dresses.

"One should not expect perfection on the part of the spouse because nobody's perfect except Allah and His Messenger. Everybody has shortcomings," he says in an interview with Sound Vision from his home in Orange County, California.

"One should have willingness to sacrifice some of the things," he adds. "This is how the family is established, how it becomes a better family.

Another reason that should not be grounds for divorce is just moodiness on the part of a spouse, says Ali.

What can couples do to avoid divorce?

Siddiqi recommends the following steps to couples who are in difficulty:

1. Both spouses should have the fear of Allah. They should remember that if they are unfair to their spouse, they will be judged on their behavior by Allah.
2. They should try to resolve the problem amongst themselves, then within family members
3. They should not hesitate to involve other members of the community. For instance, they should not feel ashamed or embarrassed to meet and speak with their local Imam (if he is someone fair and trustworthy to the husband and the wife).
4. Seek counseling, preferably from a Muslim counselor. If that is not possible than from a non-Muslim counselor. However, they should be aware of Islamic guidelines so they can take advice from that which is in line with Islamic values.

"As physically we can get sick, our relations also can get sick sometimes," says Siddiqi. "The sooner we take care of this problem the better. We should not prolong it. We should resolve the differences as soon as possible and as much as possible. But when problems go on and on, then the wounds will grow."

Siddiqi recommends Muslim couples draft a prenuptial agreement and specify that all conflicts in marriage should be resolved Islamically and in the case of divorce, this process, if it happens, is also handled in a manner in line with Islamic guidelines.



Your situation is heartbreaking. I've been through a divorce because my husband cheated on me and wanted an expensive cosmetic surgery that required *all* of our money. (The reason for this is absurd and too complicated to try to explain here.) But I wanted to relay to you that your situation is dire! Stop sending money to your "husband." No doubt as soon as you start to live your own life and realize what an awful human being he is, he will immediately want you to come back to him. It is a never-ending cycle and very harmful and absolutely the last thing that represents Islam. In my opinion, you must divorce him immediately. But don't leave your family! You need to make your ties to them stronger. Pray and seek forgiveness for hurt you caused them and express that you understand your past mistakes and don't intend to repeat them anymore. After you have your baby, remember that he or she is *yours* and is therefore a Muslim, regardless of the actions of the father. I can almost guarantee you that as soon as you stop sending your "husband" money and move on with your life and show him you aren't affected by his actions any longer, he will immediately want to reconcile with you. But please don't allow yourself that temptation. Focus on your baby and on restoring your faith and rebuilding your ties to your family. Family is a very strong tie and it is one that's very hard to break. You may think you've caused irreparable damage to your family but I don't think that will be the case. InshahAllah you will soon see a much better and higher path to walk down with your child. Focus on buidling yourself, your faith and your child and other things will come into place. May Allah bless you, Salaam, ~Aya


Berkeley, CA

Dear Bella 

I felt terribly sorry on reading your whole narration. Undoublty its a continious series of tragedy and agony prevailing in your life I guess , TBH didnt knew how I ended up here reading your story and a few startup lines grabbed me and got involved to read the whole , perhaps a reason that tied me up was the " Sensitive Nature " which is really a delicate matter and the only person who can understand and feel is the one have it . Unfortunately I admit having the same nature and sufferings continues and never stops as once you have a breakup or had a shattered trust would never bring back things to normal , insecurities and fears will haunt .

I wish and pray that may ALLAH Subhaana Wa Tala grant you relief from your sufferings and agonies , bless you with Patience and courage to deal with situations you re going through . Aameen ! 

Switch and change yourself move closer to ALLAH and start praying and beg for repentence . Its never too late actually ... insha ALLAH , 

May Allah bless you with peace and prosperity . 



Saudi Arabia

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I married a man of my choice. after married I find out that he was dating other ladies out then after that he grave to the USA and I was one day fide up with the all situation n decided to leave to my he promise me that he is change but am afriad I may b wasting my time waiting for his return but he may be the same play boy.



Actually I am now going through the toughest time if life from last three years.The problem is with my husband.we had an affair marriage.After marriage I came to know he loves to mingle with so many ladies both from social media or from official communication vitually.He tries to help them,kept in touch with them or spent time with them over phone or by chatting in all meesanger connection like whatsapp/viber.gradually I thought it might be a sin to suspected your own husband whom you loved most.later after 1.5 yeras of marriage I understood its not normal and I finally protest and earged complain to his mother when my son was 3/4months old.He seems happy with me but parallely he liked to give his personal times with others.he loves to spdnd time with his male friends/calluges according to his own style but it didn't bother me at all.whenever I asked him from my marriage yera 2008;why did he need to share his time or company with other ladies?I wanted to make it clear from him,wasn't he happy or didst he feel comfort with me?most of the time he left the room or became shouting and bit me without explanation.I got frustrated and upset but I didn't quit and started hiding his abusive nature from others.on the contrary I was compromising coz it was tough for me to live without him and I had a believe upon myself and my love.
but don't know Allah s plan or my fate...he cintionuesly taking the opportunities of this my patience and making me fool or what god knows.let me inform you we had a normal sexual life but sometimes he didn't feel to do it and after my sons birth I was unable for fewer months to involved in it frequently.any way in 2015 he strted talking with friends sister which was quiet objectionable as he was making rift with me,became aggressive,abusive and adament whenever I protested.gradually we departed.he caught red handed and proved me wrong to his whole family m.7months I observed him in this relation and I left the house iin july 2015.after thar again he took me in 2016 and started new life for our son.again he caught by talking eith several girls inculding that girl,friends sister specially.gradually again we departed and again I got pregnant in November 2016.he was happy but didn't feel comfortable with me like before.he tortured me mentally which has no reason or explanation.only he knows why...later my son died in April 2017.again he caught in chatting with that girl.I just becane quit.and tried to know why he did it agagain.
its not that I didn't shout or misbehaved orvr reacted with him ever.I'm a human being.. but tried my level best to hold him by love,loyalty y request or by requiting his whole family and so many good me I told him to leave this habit foe sake of Allah and for our sons better ment.but his statement was its not illigal or sin to talk to girls as he is not having sex. he is just having pletenic relationship....
anyway sometimes I became so sususpictive and of late he quit communications under the same roof fron August 2017.aagin he left me and declared to hv a silent relation only for my son.I also living that life but day by day It was unbeareable to lead a life like widow being married. he used to backbiting all the time to whole society by telling me suspicious...and he is just bearing me only for son and parents. bur he not gonna communicate with me at I m with my family from December 2017.he declared he not gonna keeo in touch with me or my son.he repeatedly telling I'm wrong and Allah will punish me.let me tell u I offered him to go abroad under this cirmumstances.but neither he gonna divorce or not gonna give us a good life.
what sgould I do now??I need my sons better future.I want to seettle in abroad...
sujjesr me..



I converted to Islam few years ago. I wanted to make my fiance happy, but was never very convinced about it. Now, I decided to revert and become Christian again. The problem is that I am going to marry my fiance in few months. We have been together for several years and we love each other very much. What should I do? He tells me that if I revert the marriage will be null and we can't stay together. Is that true? Do we have to break up if I revert? I am afraid to speak to him because I don't want that everything ends between us, our love is huge. Please, help me. Thanks



Im a reconverter from christian to islam. I only learnt the main parts of islam for 4-6 months and I was very clueless about marriage in islam and how strict it could be, i was very disobedient towards my husband and was always making mistakes cause i didnt know how serious marriage was until i decided to look it up and what to do. I work with females and males on the plane im a very talkative person and friendly but i kept on forgetting the things i made promises with my husband to not talk to guys other then work. So if a guy would ask a question like "your lastname doesnt look musilm?" so i would explain to them that "im a reconverter and my nationality is..." then i would say "but sorry i cant speak to guys" so the converstations wont continue on.. for so long i kept on doing that till i realised it was wrong to do. So now i dont even answer there questions but now my husband doesnt want me no more i opened up my eyes after 7 months of this marriage that i stopped being disobediant, fighting back, doing what he wants me to do, being kind.. everything a muslim wife should do but now hes saying that he doesnt want me no more causehe doesnt want guid me every step that i take and doesnt want this problem with guys no more (which i dont even answer there questions no more unless its about work mainly to my bosses the employees i ignore) i really dont know how i can fix this problem he has a short temper and never wants to listen i want to make us happy again but he doesnt what should i do to fix this marriage ?




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