Marriage brings two families together. This can be exciting, but it can be difficult too. Families have different behaviours, ethnicities, and strategies of interacting. In Islam, family is very significant since it is a place of love, support, and growth. A Muslim family grows through marriage and children. Learning how to get along with in-laws is part of having a strong Muslim family. This article will cover family growth, merging families through marriage, adjusting when you didn’t grow up with relatives and in-laws, and advice on getting along and facing conflict with in-laws.
Family Growth
Family grows in several ways. When people marry, they bring additional members into the family. For example, cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents, son in-law, and daughter in-law. Occasionally, relatives who reside far away might become part of daily life. Verily, Islam teaches us to value all family ties.
Abu Hurairah (May Allah be pleased with him) reported:
Prophet Muhammad (Peace and Blessings Be Upon Him) said:
"He who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him show hospitality to his guest; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him maintain good relations with kins; and he who believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent."
(Riyad as-Salihin 705)
Kindred includes in-laws. Viewing in-laws as family helps Muslims treat them with love, patience, and respect. This perspective makes the new family stronger and brings blessing (barakah) into the marriage.
Merging Families Through Marriage
When two families join through marriage, they have different behaviours, languages, and habits. This can be hard initially. For instance, one family might celebrate holidays differently or have different house rules. Each person must learn to respect these differences. Open conversations and nice words avoid several issues.
Abu Ad-Dardh (May Allah be Pleased with Him) narrated:
Prophet Muhammad (Peace and Blessings be Upon Him) said:
"Nothing is placed on the Scale that is heavier than good character. Indeed the person with good character will have attained the rank of the person of fasting and prayer."
(Jami` at-Tirmidhi 2003)
This hadith mentions the substantial value of good character, which includes speaking with kindness, using polite words, and refraining from harsh or offensive language. For example, speaking nicely to in-laws, relatives, and others is part of developing good character, which weighs heavily in the viewpoint of Allah.
By speaking kindly and listening effectively, families can join with harmony and understanding.
Adjusting When You Didn’t Grow Up with Relatives and In-Laws
Some people enter marriage with little experience dealing with extended family. Personally, I didn’t grow up with relatives and in-laws nearby because they resided in different countries, however my mother kept in contact by phone and social media. As a result, I didn’t experience communicating with extended family in my daily life.
When marriage brings these relationships closer, it can be stressful. There may be cultural habits, unspoken expectations, or family dynamics that feel unaccustomed. One helpful strategy to adapt is to notice quietly. For instance, some family members show respect by bringing tea to elders or always addressing them with specific titles. Watching these small behaviours assists Muslims to comprehend what is valued in the family without feeling pressure to promptly adopt everything.
Another helpful strategy is to have genuine interest in their lives. For instance, a husband or wife might inquire about how families celebrate Eid or their hometown. Listening effectively helps build connections and exhibits respect for their family history. Afterwards, a husband or wife can tell their own stories, such as traditions from their childhood, to make relatives feel closer to the husband or wife. These small exchanges create familiarity and reliability over time. With patience and sincerity, even new relationships can grow strong.
Simple Advice on How to Get Along With In-Laws
1. Exchange gifts. Builds love and connection between family members. For instance, a wife gave her mother-in-law a beautiful necklace on Eid to show appreciation and strengthen their bond.
2. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect, and mercy. Brings harmony and reflects good character. For example, A husband helped his father-in-law with yard work and listened patiently to his advice.
3. Be forgiving and patient. Forgiveness and patience with in-laws keep small issues from turning into bigger problems. For example, a husband calmly forgave a hurtful comment from his brother-in-law and chose to dismiss it to have family peace.
4. Keep regular contact with in-laws. Shows care and keeps relationships strong, even with distance. For instance, a wife contacted her in-laws every weekend to check in and tell updates from their family.
Advice on Dealing with Conflict with In-Laws
1. Establish clear boundaries with in-laws. Protects the marriage and helps both sides understand what is respectful and appropriate. For example, a husband and wife kindly asked their parents to call before visiting so they could prepare and enjoy the time together.
2. Know one's trigger. Helps to stay calm and respond wisely during stressful moments. For example, a wife noticed she felt hurt when her in-laws compared her to others, so she told it with her husband privately and avoided reacting in front of them.
3. Don’t take in-laws’ opinions personally. Allows one to focus on harmony instead of taking offense. For example, a husband smiled and nodded when his in-law offered unsolicited advice, knowing it came from care rather than criticism.
4. Let go of expectations. Helps prevent disappointment and resentment in the relationship. For instance, a wife accepted that her in-laws showed love differently and didn’t expect frequent compliments.
Getting along with in-laws takes patience, kindness, and wisdom. Every family is different and blending traditions takes time. Faith-based values help us build homes filled with harmony, respect, and mercy. With sincere effort, kind speech, and reliance on Allah, Muslim families can build strong and loving relationships that benefit everyone. A peaceful family environment supports emotional well-being and sets a positive example for the next generation.
- https://jamiat.org.za/20-tips-on-dealing-with-your-inlaws/
- https://www.drrachelglik.com/blog-posts/2018/6/18/how-happy-couples-deal-with-in-laws-tips-for-the-holidays-and-all-year-long
- https://sunnah.com/riyadussalihin:705
- https://sunnah.com/tirmidhi:2003
https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/managing-conflict-with-in-laws/
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