In the quietness of my thoughts
I reached out
and found nothing.
Patient tears flowed upon an endless crevice
burning the current's path into a deeper emotion-
Visions of material success, possessions and fame
built empty dreams upon weak ideals.
In a self-created world, my self-created world, I was surrounded
by frustration, denial and an image of who I'd become.
Recollection of parties,
of moments that were drawn up to reflect "living" and "achievement"
-drawn by a girl who thought she was the artist-
Are nothing more than pieces that remain dead to the conscience of my heart. Memories of times when I thought I should be happy
I stood shuddering in shameful loneliness
letting the bitter wind of reality consume me
and yet I don't know why. . .
Feelings I see in my patchwork of faded existence seem to reveal that
Something was missing,
Is still missing
Was always missing.
I quiet myself further and try and find out why the tears
burn with shame and the Noor has disappeared from my face.
Perhaps it was never there
Perhaps I never let it into my heart
Perhaps I thought I was strong enough on my own.
"Oh Allah (swt) please forgive me,
I need You, I need Your guidance, Your forgiveness,
Your mercy. I am nothing when I fail to remember You,
I am nothing without You
. . . I am nothing at all"