It has been more than twenty-five years since I embraced Islam and, with it, the hijab. For a woman living in the West, adopting the hijab is one of the most significant lifestyle changes imaginable, as it transforms one from “blending in” to “standing out” as a visibly Muslim woman. It is no wonder that some women and girls struggle with this decision. Hesitation may arise for many reasons, including fear of being different or drawing attention, the belief that hijab diminishes one’s attractiveness, a lack of support or representation, uncertainty about whether hijab is obligatory, or concerns for personal safety. All of these worries are valid, and depending on the situation, the latter two may warrant consultation with a knowledgeable religious scholar. For the other concerns, there are practical ways to support girls and women and ease their transition.
From my experience as a hijabi, I have learned seven important lessons that I hope to share with fellow parents, caregivers, and educators as we guide our children in understanding and embracing this Divine commandment.
1. Ground the decision in intention and commitment
It is important for both parents and girls to understand that hijab is a lifelong commitment that requires patience, sincerity, and courage. As with all acts of worship, the decision to wear hijab begins with intention. It must be rooted in a sincere desire to please Allah and to fulfill the commands outlined in the Quran. I found that continuing to wear hijab became easier when I reminded myself of the One for whom I was doing it. When intention is clear, the opinions of others and shifting societal standards lose their impact, especially when weighed against the goal of pleasing our Creator.
2. Teach what the Quran and Sunnah say about hijab, along with scholarly perspectives
Understanding what the Quran and Sunnah say about hijab, as well as being aware of scholarly discussions surrounding it, is essential for developing conviction and confidently defending the decision to wear it. My own journey to Islam unfolded over four years, during which I took the time to study hijab deeply so that I fully understood the commitment I was making. As parents and educators, it is now our responsibility to facilitate this learning for our children by teaching them what Islam says about hijab, where these teachings come from, and how scholars have approached them. Knowledge equips our daughters with clarity and confidence as they navigate questions and challenges from the world around them.
3. Model a love for hijab through example
For our children’s role models, especially mothers, valuing and wearing hijab matters. Because my own mother was not Muslim, I found mentorship and reassurance in the Muslim women around me, turning to them for guidance and advice. For our daughters, a lived example carries tremendous weight. If we hope to instill a love for hijab in them, we must first demonstrate it ourselves.
4. Allow room for personal style and gradual growth
Girls should be given appropriate space to explore their personal style within the boundaries of hijab and to grow into their understanding of it over time. Their relationship with hijab may evolve, and this process of learning and refinement is natural. When I first began wearing hijab, the experience was awkward and unfamiliar. I struggled to pin my headscarf correctly, relied on simple slip-on Amira hijabs that were not particularly stylish, and had to completely rethink my wardrobe. Along the way, I experimented with different expressions of modest dress, including pairing tunics with loose pants, wearing flowing abayas, adopting niqab for a period of time, and then returning to hijab. Even now, I am still shaping a personal style that reflects my needs, values, and identity. This adjustment did not happen all at once, but through trial and error. Allowing our daughters this same grace helps them develop confidence and ownership over their practice, rather than associating hijab with pressure or rigidity.
5. Encourage supportive friendships and community
It is important for daughters to surround themselves with friends who wear hijab. When I first began wearing hijab, having other Muslim women around me was essential. Their support and example sustained me during difficult moments. Many of my fellow converts were navigating similar struggles, and having each other as a support network made the challenges feel lighter and more manageable. When girls have hijabi friends, they are reminded that they are not alone in their journey.
6. Introduce the beauty of hijab early
Learning about the beauty of hijab should begin early. Children benefit from becoming familiar and comfortable with hijab long before it becomes an obligation. This can be done in simple, age-appropriate ways, such as providing dolls and toys dressed in modest clothing, watching shows and movies that include hijabi characters, and reading books that feature Muslim women and girls. Normalizing hijab in a child’s everyday world allows it to feel familiar rather than foreign.
Although I was not raised Muslim, I grew up surrounded by the iconography of the Virgin Mary, Maryam, peace be upon her. In the Catholic tradition, she is venerated as a saint and often depicted in a veil and modest clothing. Whether through paintings, statues, or illustrated books, every image I encountered portrayed her in a way that closely resembled the modest dress of Muslim women. I also observed Christian nuns who embodied this same code of modesty in their attire. As a result, when I later encountered Islam, the hijab naturally reminded me of Maryam and women of piety. In a similar way, our Muslim daughters must be surrounded by positive and dignified portrayals of women who wear hijab so that modest dress becomes embedded in their sense of what is beautiful, normal, and honorable.
7. Follow hijabi influencers, but proceed with caution
Following hijabi influencers, stylists, and public figures can be inspiring and beneficial, but it should be done with care. Young girls can easily become emotionally attached to online personalities, and when some of these figures later abandon hijab or shift their public stance, it can lead to confusion, disappointment, or even doubt. Parents should remain aware of who their children are following and help them understand that public figures are human beings whose choices do not define Islamic principles.
Twenty-five years ago, social media, smartphones, and constant access to global trends did not exist. There were no visible hijabi influencers or Muslim celebrities to look up to. One of the few cultural representations that stood out to me was the telenovela El Clon, which I watched during my first trip back home to Puerto Rico. Set in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, and Fez, Morocco, the series introduced a Latin American audience to Islam through its Muslim protagonist and her family. Although it was not without orientalist tropes and stereotypes, El Clon portrayed hijabi women as part of everyday life and helped both Muslim and non-Muslim viewers view the hijab with greater familiarity and appreciation.
In much the same way, today’s influencers and public figures can help normalize hijab for large audiences, offering representation and visibility that may strengthen a young girl’s confidence and sense of belonging. At the same time, parents should guide their daughters to anchor their love for hijab in faith, knowledge, and personal conviction rather than in personalities or trends.
For many of us, wearing hijab does not happen overnight. It is often a gradual process of discovery, study, and acceptance. While the beginning may come with difficulties, consistency, support, and sincere intention can transform the hijab into a treasured part of one’s identity. Our children deserve the same patience and care. As parents, caregivers, and educators, it is now our responsibility, with Allah’s help first, to pass on what we have learned and to guide them toward understanding, appreciating, and ultimately loving the hijab with faith and confidence.
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