Depression is a family concern. Families may deal with depression from the loss of a loved one, illness or mental/physical decline of a loved one, criminal fraud, financial oppression, trauma, neglect or a myriad of other reasons. We often focus on depression impacting one member, but families may experience a collective depression because they share environmental stressors or may feel overwhelmed by the situation. Family members may have varying levels of depression due to inability to control feelings or the hurt they may have for the one experiencing thus triggering the shared sadness. Simply put, what impacts one family member in the home, impacts them all. Therefore, the concern and response to depression requires a collective effort.
The Mayo clinic defines depression as a mental health condition with loss of interest, low mood and chemical changes to the brain causing fatigue, loss of appetite, guilt, cognitive difficulties, feelings of hopelessness and others. Family members may experience heavy-heartedness, anxiety, grief, hopelessness and intense worry seeing their loved one struggling with this health circumstance.
One of the most excellent things about the family is that the family unit itself can be a source of healing and strength. It is important that family members equip themselves with knowledge of how to assist the depressed member so as not to exacerbate the problem. Yes, that means professional help and sometimes medication.
The Mayo clinic treats depression with talk therapy, medications and lifestyle changes. The individual enduring this trial needs the support of the family through their patience, kindness and belief that Allah has already ordained in the Holy Quran that relief is near:
For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.
( Quran 94: 5-6)
During times of hardship and tests, the believer doesn’t shy away from them, but is strengthened by them and seeks the good. This is the mindset of the believer. Depression is a physical and mental test for the individual. A family seeking to prevail against falling into depression as a collective unit, must adopt the mindset to accept the Qadr of Allah.
The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) gave the believer the template for the mindset we should adopt
“How wonderful the affair of the believer is! Indeed, all of his affairs are good for him. This is for no one but the believer. If something good happens to him, he is grateful to Allah, which is good for him. And if something bad happens to him, he has patience, which is good for him.” [Sahih Muslim]
Patience, understanding and insight. Acceptance is not its own form of depression or defeat, but an acknowledgement of the reality and most importantly, an agent of change.
The Mayo clinic advises behavior changes for the person afflicted with this disease. Here the family is a crucial part of the self and collective response and healing.
The most important behavior or manifestation of us as Muslims is the act of prayer.
Healing starts with a single step towards Allah – from the afflicted one and the family.
Reflect upon the attributes of Allah for assurance. Allah is Ar-Rahman, The Beneficent, Ar-Raheem, The Merciful, As Salaam, The Giver of peace, Ar-Razzaq, The Provider, Al-Fattah, The Opener, Al Mujeeb, The One Who Responds, Al-Muqaddim, The Expediter – The One Who put things in their right place, Al-Mughni, The Enricher Fulfiller of needs, and Al-Hadi The Guide.
How could we not turn to Him, take steps towards Him, indeed run with all speed and passion to Him
Family can remind each other of these noble attributes easing their own feelings of hopelessness.
When a family prays together, there is unity and strength in their ibadah. Think of how the very nature of a family by its being more than one, makes a congregational salah. Islamic jurisprudence or fiqh has long considered a family praying together in the home as a valid jama’ah or congregation earning all the spiritual benefit attached to congregational prayer with the Muslim community as a whole.
Allah tells us to pray together
And bow with those who bow [in worship and obedience
(Quran 2:43)
And it narrated by `Abdullah bin `Umar that Muhammad, the prophet (pbuh) told the believers:
The reward of the congregational prayer is twenty seven times greater (than that of the prayer offered by a person alone).
Sahih al Bukhari 649
A person suffering through depression may feel alone. The family living with a loved one experiencing this trial may also feel isolated that no one understands or questions the effectiveness of the professional help. Trust in the plan of Allah. Remember and reflect on the awe-inspiring attributes that He possesses and know that Allah is always close to the believer offering reassurance and comfort to His servants.
Indeed, I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me
(Quran 2: 186)
So, the family can prevail against depression as they embrace that Allah will put things in their proper place. Professional help, patience and collective dua. Surely Allah will heal that which ails us, remove anxiety, lift depressed spirits and replace sadness with serenity. Surely through Allah the family will find comfort in His remembrance and peace in His presence when making du’a and submitting to Him.
Heavy heart
"Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum, birahmatika astagheeth"
("O Ever-Living, O Sustainer, I seek help in Your mercy")
Anxiety
“A’udhu billahi min ash-shaytanir rajeem”
(I seek refuge in Allah from Satan the accursed)
“La hawla wa la quwwata illa billah”
(There is no power except Allah)
Grief
"Allahumma inni a'udhu bika minal-hammi wal-huzni, wal-'ajzi walkasali, walbukhli waljubni, wa dala'id-dayni wa ghalabatir-rijal".
(O Allah, I seek refuge in You from anxiety and sorrow, weakness and laziness, miserliness and cowardice, the burden of debts and from being overpowered by men)
Hopelessness
"Hasbunallahu wa ni'mal wakeel"
(Allah is sufficient for us, and He is the best disposer of affairs)
Worry
"Allahumma akhrijni min adh-dhulumati ila an-nur"
(O Allah, bring me out of darkness into light)
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