This article was published on November 26, 2021 by the Muslim Youth of North America and is republished in its original format and entirety.
As protests over the killing of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and many other Black Americans continue, you might wonder if and how you should talk to your children about it.
Talking to your children about race and racism can be hard and uncomfortable, but also necessary. God commanded the believers in the Quran:
“O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. Whether one is rich or poor, Allah is more worthy of both. So follow not [personal] inclination, lest you not be just. And if you distort [your testimony] or refuse [to give it], then indeed Allah is ever, with what you do, Acquainted.” (4:135)
You might worry about exposing your children to this difficult topic too early, or you might shy away from the discussion because you don’t fully understand it. The reality is, there is no perfect way to do so and no single approach that is right for all families – it’s just imperative that you do. Black families have been doing this for a long time (see: The Talk) and while this article will provide some outside resources for Black parents, it will mainly focus on non-Black people of color and White parents. This article is meant to help you start the conversation with your youth and give you some tools to use along the way.
Definitions:
Prejudice/bias - An adverse opinion or leaning formed without just grounds or before sufficient knowledge - Merriam-Webster
Racism - A system of advantage based on race. Prejudice is equal-opportunity. Everyone can be prejudiced. To be racist however, you need to have the power to use this prejudice to impact whole groups of people. - Dr. Joy DeGruy
Prejudice is learned:
Not talking about race does not make racism go away. To the contrary, by being silent or dismissing the topic with statements such as “racism is haram in Islam,” we are teaching children that race and racism are taboo topics, thus reinforcing the very structures that allow them to thrive.
As parents, you are the example your children follow. In helping your child recognize and confront racial bias, you should first become aware of your own. Consider taking Harvard’s short Implicit Bias Test before you begin. Be honest with yourself and reflect on your biases. Where do they come from? Holding implicit biases does not make people automatically bad. A person can be a good person and still hold ideas that can be harmful to others. If left unexplored, implicit biases can also manifest in our children regardless of our well-meaning talks on race and racism. This is why it is important to do the heartwork needed to heal from ignorance, arrogance, conceit, etc. in order to engage with your children and Black people appropriately.
Facilitate a conversation:
Developmentally, youth (12+) are able to understand and engage in a discussion about abstract concepts more clearly than they did before. Keep in mind that most likely your youth already knows more on the topic than you think and they are likely to have strong opinions and feelings about it. It is important that you go into the conversation with the intent to understand how they feel and keep the conversation going. Here are three recommendations to keep in mind when talking to your youth:
Know what they know – Find out what your children know about race, discrimination, systemic racism. What have they heard on the news, at school, from friends, the masjid? Children might share with you certain things they’ve heard/learned about issues such as the school-to-prison pipeline, Jim Crow America, or redlining. Ask what they think and introduce them to different perspectives to help expand their understanding.
Identify opportunities for discussion – Find opportunities such as events in the news for conversations with your children about racism. Keep conversation honest and raw. When unsure how to respond, admit that you don’t know and that you are committing yourself to learning, or share that you are just shocked at said injustices and reaffirm that you do not agree with how things are.
Encourage action – Being active, on social media and otherwise, is important for many youth. Encourage them to do so as an active way to respond and engage with racial issues. Because these issues can be so overwhelming, your children might not know where to start. You can help them find ways to become engaged if they are not already by helping them think through their passions, strengths, and talents.
Celebrate Diversity:
As Muslims, we must honestly celebrate diversity and not tokenize Black figures in the Prophet’s seerah (biography). In addition to keeping an open dialogue about racism, a way to raise children who are anti-racist is by making sure they (and you) know their entire history.
This means going beyond Bilal and teaching them about Sumayyah, Barakah (Umm Ayman) and others. This also means going beyond Muhammad Ali or Malcom X and teaching them about Omar ibn Said, Ibrahim Abd al-Rahman, Dr. Sherman Jackson and so many others. Visit this link for a more extensive list of Famous Historical Muslims of African/Black Origin and additional information on them.
Make sure that your home has books that emphasize Black authors and have Black people at the center of their own stories. Here are some book suggestions:
“All American Boys,” by Jason Reynolds and Brendan Kiely: “This is a brilliant look at the effects of police brutality from the perspective of two teen boys: one white and one black. We get inside both of their minds and watch them grapple with the weight of something that is way too familiar in our country.” — Matt de la Peña
“Stamped: Racism, Antiracism, and You” by Jason Reynolds and Ibram X. Kendi: “Reynolds and Kendi have created a book that slyly draws attention to the page itself. ‘Uh-oh. The R-word,’ they write. The word that ‘for many of us still feels Rated R. Or can be matched only with the other R word — run. But don’t. Let’s all just take a deep breath. Inhale. Hold it. Exhale and breathe out’ — and here, the text breaks apart to give us the dangerous word — ‘race.’” — Kaitlyn Greenidge
For Black Parents/Families:
When speaking to your children, let them know their lives matter and encourage their whole identity.
Uplifting Black Muslim Youth Toolkit- Resources for Black Muslims
For Non-Black POC (People of Color) Parents/Families:
Presently the most common form of racism in the Muslim community world-wide is anti-Blackness as perpetuated by non-Black Muslims. Make sure your youth see Black people as heroes in a wide range of their own stories, and not just as victims of oppression.
As parents, be careful not to perpetuate racism by choosing to “not see color,” which erases the contribution and experiences of Black people. You must help your children learn about racism and understand their privilege.
Be mindful of the tone and language you use and check that you do not unintentionally use microaggressions:
Ex. The word “abeed” which means “slaves” in Arabic used for Black people. Telling your children that they should get out of the sun so they don't become black. Equating darkness with ugliness and fairness with beauty. Telling someone they are beautiful, or well spoken or anything … for a black person.
Do not compare struggles. As a religious minority or as immigrants, your struggle while significant in its own right, is not the same as the struggle of Black people.
Uplifting Black Muslim Youth Toolkit - Resources for non-Black Muslims
Book recommendation: Me and White Supremacy
For White Parents/Families:
White Muslims straddle two identities - one privileged in society and the other is not, which often leads to erroneously believing that White Muslims are “above the concept of having a race or that ... no longer experience white privilege.” (Muslim ARC).
As parents, be careful not to perpetuate racism by choosing to “not see color,” which erases the contribution and experiences of Black people. You must help your children learn about racism/White supremacy and understand their White privilege.
Talk to your children about arrogance and how many of the acts of white violence stem from this. Speak to them about how they might respond when witnessing injustice in their presence.
Book recommendation: Me and White Supremacy
Additional resources: Anti-racism Guide for White Muslims
Additional Resources on Race and Structural Racism:
Systemic Racism Explained (animated) - Systemic racism affects every area of life in the US. From incarceration rates to predatory loans, and trying to solve these problems requires changes in major parts of our system. Here's a closer look at what systemic racism is, and how we can solve it.
13th - Combining archival footage with testimony from activists and scholars, director Ava DuVernay's examination of the U.S. prison system looks at how the country's history of racial inequality drives the high rate of incarceration in America.
Islam in Blackamerica: From Slavery to Hip Hop - Free Bayan Clairmont course with Dr. Sherman Jackson.
The Talk: Race in America - a PBS documentary about the increasingly necessary conversation taking place in homes and communities across the country between parents of color and their children, especially sons, about how to behave if they are ever stopped by police.
As parents, you are your children’s first teacher. As their parents, you also know your family and your children best, therefore consider these recommendations as suggestions rather than hard guidelines to help facilitate the conversations. The ultimate decision on how and when to approach these sensitive conversations is yours.
Ivana Zajkovska, Programming and Product Development, Muslim Youth of North America
Here is the link to the original article https://www.myna.org/nosilence.
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