I Wish You Understood
I don't want to lie to you anymore,
I don't want to pretend that everything is all right,
Because it's not.
I have always tried to do as you ask,
But I realize now that what you expect:
I have tried.
I have tried to be what you want,
And what you desire.
I gave up my own wants and dreams
To see if that would make things easier.
It only made things worse
I know I don't meet the stereotypical ?perfect? daughter.
I know that I don't act how you deem ?suitable.?
I can blame:
My conflicting ideals.
But in the end,
I know that
I can only blame myself.
I have a mind of my own,
I have a desire to excel
I can't change who I am
I want to be successful
I want to do it on my own terms
I want to be allowed to develop on my own
You fear what I may become,
But you have instilled in me a strong Islamic foundation
I know who I am
I won't betray myself
But I have to be given that chance-
I need to be given the opportunity to fail
I need to know my own strength
I wish you could understand
Sometimes you are the hardest people to talk to
Even when I have done nothing wrong
In your eyes I have failed
I have never heard you say that you are proud
Yet you are always there so willing to offer criticism
So ready to point out my mistakes
I have never spoken back to you
I never will
It is not a question of love
Rather a question of understanding
I tell you about my day
Tears streaming down my cheek
You don?t understand why I'm hurt
You don't really try
You never have
I can't tell you anything
You pass judgment against me
I have no escape
I cry my self to sleep
I rehearse what I will say to you:
I never do
I know I never will
You have established a wall between us
I have helped build that wall
But, I want it to come down
It is time for it to be destroyed
And that is where the conflict lies
I want you to be able to share in my happiness
I want you to be a big part of my life,
But each day we grow apart
I did what you wanted and I stayed home tonight
You didn't notice
You didn't say thank you
You found something else to criticize me about
You placed another stone in the wall that divides us
You failed to see that I love you
I LOVE YOU and that is why it hurts so bad
I feel like I must keep it all inside
And it frightens me to think that I cannot come to you
I pray everyday, "Ya Allah, help us to understand each other"
I have never doubted your love for me
I know that you want to protect me
I know that you want the best for me
I know that
Believe me I know that
And that is why I wish you did too.