Ever catch yourself reprimanding your children in the same style as your mother? Or cracking jokes and wrestling with your kids just like your dad did? Sometimes you might even find yourself using the same strict tone your grandfather might have used with you as a kid. Much of these behavioral patterns have been subconsciously adopted by our parents and other family members while we were growing up.
And in our youth, we thought we would never be like our mother or father with our own kids. Lo and behold, a lot of us end up acting the same way they did. Unless we make a conscious effort to parent our children differently, we tend to repeat more or the same of what our parents did. It all comes down to epigenetics – where behaviors and environment affect our genes. Learning unhealthy behaviors over the years in our home environments influences us deeply as adults. Therefore, when we notice ourselves acting in a way that is detrimental to our close relations, a lot of the time those behaviors stem from generational trauma.
How Generational Trauma Affects Our Behaviour
Generational or intergenerational trauma is defined as psychological and emotional wounds accumulated over time that are transferred to future generations.1 Traumatic symptoms can include depression, anxiety, unbridled anger, low self-esteem, substance abuse or other addictions, or overeating due to stress. The impact of the traumatic events a person experienced can affect their children, grandchildren, and community.2 For example, if your grandparents adopted an authoritarian style of parenting over your parents, which often brought about feelings of shame, anxiety, or guilt in them, then those traumatic experiences may manifest into a helicopter style of parenting with you, influencing you to have perfectionist tendencies or anxiety, for example.
We can also genetically inherit our generational trauma. When our grandmothers and mothers go through maternal stress from any of the above symptoms, the eggs in their ovaries are affected, altering the genetic makeup of those future babies. For example, according to a study in 2016, Holocaust survivors and their children were more likely to have changes in their FKBP5 gene than others; it is a stress gene that is linked to anxiety, depression, and PTSD.3
Imagine the drastic epigenetic changes happening within the mothers experiencing the horrific genocide in Gaza, Palestine, and the Congo. Time will tell what tragic results will occur in the next generation from these experiences. Even witnessing these atrocities is traumatizing for the larger public, irreversibly altering our brain chemistry and worldview. Our newly defined fears, anxieties, and vicarious trauma from this will definitely transfer to the next generation.
Here is a simple infographic that shows some examples of intergenerational trauma:
Image from https://therapeuticselfcare.com/intergenerational-trauma/
Causes, Symptoms, and Evidences of Trauma
Not every family has generational trauma. However, there are ways of identifying if you or your family members are affected. Usually, the trauma is based on a pattern of abuse or many events of prolonged, complex trauma. The ongoing negative behaviour of caregivers on a regular or daily basis is what psychologically affects the children for the long term. Research shows that the very DNA of these children is affected by these experiences, consequently being passed down to the next generation. It is not the memories that are passed down, however, rather the physiological reactions felt from the experiences are embedded into the body.
Causes of Trauma Symptoms
Trauma is usually complicated and intersectional. It is important to take in all aspects of a person’s identity, experiences, and surroundings to determine what may be causing their symptoms. For example, one may experience depression because his/her parents were neglectful due to their own depression, which stemmed from structural racism or exposure to war.
Here are some common causes of generational trauma that greatly affect our parenting practices:
Domestic violence and other forms of abuse: In this instance, children are consistently witnessing or experiencing violence from close family members and this can lead to chronic anxiety and other negative coping mechanisms. Chronic anxiety happens when a person is constantly assessing their environment for any threats from other people - especially, unpredictably emotional people. While assessing for any eruptions of violence or emotional outbreaks, a person with chronic anxiety tries to keep their composure, and also tries to make sense of the situation as best as they can; Keeping the peace at home or even in their mind becomes a daily struggle in dysfunctional homes.4
This type of trauma can lead children to struggle in maintaining future adult relationships because of other symptoms: uncontrollable anger, depression, low self-esteem, and other insecurities. Moreover, mental dissociation and feelings of emotional and physical insecurities are common among sexual assault victims, as well as mental and emotional abuse from caregivers.
Negative parenting style and/or unhealthy attachment style to caregiver: Sometimes, our parents are the product of the kind of parenting style that was adopted by their caregivers. These can include a highly authoritarian style, neglect, and absence or abusive elements. Their parents may have provided a home and other amenities, however, the physical or emotional elements were not present.
For example, a narcissistic parent would not provide the necessary emotional regulation needed in a stressful situation. Or a parent may have hardly been around physically and the child was handed off to another caregiver indefinitely, be it another family member or an institution. This is unlike daycare or leaving with a grandparent for the day, which is for a set time on a regular basis and done with loving understanding between parent and child.
Worst of all, a parent may have engaged in substance abuse so they were unreliable and made their children very anxious and scared to be around them. All of these situations amount to traumatic experiences that greatly affect a child’s future self.
Structural racism: When constantly faced with systemic discrimination in public spaces, at work, and even in the media, racialized individuals often go into depression as they are not able to conduct their daily lives peacefully. These include circumstances such as low income, poorly resourced educational opportunities, inadequate housing, unreliable medical systems, lack of access to mental health treatment.5 Having to often absorb microaggressions or blatant remarks and even violence for just the colour of their skin can take a huge toll on a person.
In a study conducted on ethnically and racialized minoritized individuals in the U.S., they are more likely to have higher rates of depression than caucasian Americans. For example, African American adults with depression rate their symptoms as more severe, have a longer illness course, and are more disabling. They are also less likely to receive treatment for their symptoms, thereby exacerbating their poor circumstances. Children of these racialized individuals experience historical trauma related to structural racism in these myriad ways6:
- Failure to feel protected from a trusted entity such as institutions (schools, police), society, and the government
- Vast physical symptoms such as endocrine impairment, adrenal maladaptation (too tired to deal with the stressor), and compromised immune systems
- Social issues such as domestic violence, child maltreatment, substance abuse, and involvement in crime
- Psychological issues such as depression, panic/anxiety disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder
- Having to face others’ beliefs that their race is inherently deficient
Relationship between Structural Racism, Cumulative Trauma, and the Intergenerational Transmission of Depression7
The epigenetic changes due to chronic stress and nutritional deficiencies of Black Americans during slavery in the United States have led to poor physical and mental health outcomes among Black Americans in the following generations, according to a study done in 2020.8 Fair, compassionate, and non-discriminatory therapy is much needed for this community.
Other causes include natural disasters, war, genocide, oppression, slavery, and colonization.
Common Symptoms of Generational Trauma
How would you know if you or someone else was experiencing generational trauma? There are general signs one can look out for and then do a deeper investigation once noted. These include:
- A lack of self‐worth or low self-esteem
- Anxiety
- Depersonalization or feeling detached from yourself and your surroundings
- Depression
- Emotional numbness or difficulty processing emotions
- Impaired ability to think critically, make decisions, or manage your time productively is compromised
- PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) symptoms: feeling socially isolated, having negative thoughts, or losing interest in hobbies
- Codependency: excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner
- Hypervigilance: the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats around you
- The nervous system may inaccurately filter sensory information and prompt an enhanced state of sensory sensitivity
- Unhealthy attachment styles and difficulty trusting others
- Other mental health conditions
How to Break the Cycle in Our Current Generation
1. Be aware of your parenting practices and make gradual changes.
Assessing how we express our negative habits or traits is the first step towards making a change. If you tend to have a short fuse, think about what triggers you and how it affects your loved ones at home.
A lot of the time, parents are exhausted, overstimulated, and unable to engage in any refreshing downtime or hobbies, which can exacerbate frustration with those under their care. Anger can also stem from suddenly remembering negative memories or experiences with our own parents; especially, when we see something our children are doing that reminds us. Being aware of that and taking time out to see how you can better manage your anger would be the next step.
2. Seek therapy or counsel groups.
Many types of therapies are available for dealing with unbridled emotions or addictions, including one-on-one and group counselling sessions. When we see that we are not alone with our problems or that we can find a listening ear, it helps to heal and to chart a new path forward. A range of other therapeutic interventions include various forms of trauma processing, neurofeedback, cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), meditation, play, and range of motion exercises.
3. Remember Allah often with your family.
Whether you make dhikr (remembrance), by tasbeeh (glorification of Allah), after prayer or recite the morning and evening duas (supplications), according to the Sunnah – all of these practices help to soothe the heart, release sins, gain rewards, and gain the Pleasure of Allah. The Quran reminds us that our hearts find comfort in it:
“Surely in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find comfort.”
(Surah Ar-Rad, 13:28)
When we do engage in dhikr, then the Angels bring us tranquility and Allah remembers us, in turn:
“No people gather to remember Allah Almighty but that the angels surround them, cover them with mercy, send tranquility upon them, and mention them to Allah among those near to Him.”
(Muslim)
And when we are especially remembered by Allah in those circumstances, He will definitely ease our difficult situations.
4. Read the Quran regularly and seek understanding to relate it to everyday life.
There are many ways the Quran can help us heal from our trauma. It contains reassurance from our Creator that this life is a temporary test with a great reward for those who endure their tests with righteousness. It reminds us that our suffering and those of past generations will not go unnoticed, and that the oppressors will be taken to account on the Day of Judgement. The Quran also contains stories of the prophets, peace and blessings be upon them all, who suffered from the most severe of traumas, yet were able to persevere to carry on the message of Allah’s Oneness to their families and to the masses. Allah says in the Quran:
“And each [story] We relate to you from the news of the messengers is that by which We make firm your heart. And there has come to you, in this, the truth and an instruction and a reminder for the believers.”
(Surah Hud, 11:120)
Reading about the prophets and following their examples are crucial to our very existence. Include your family in learning with you and heal together.
5. Make dua for all matters.
Ask Allah for help in all matters, big or small. There are specific duas in the Quran and Sunnah for specific problems. Here are a few examples:
O Allah, there is no ease except in that which You have made easy, and You make the difficulty, if You wish, easy.
اللّهُـمَّ لا سَـهْلَ إِلاّ ما جَعَلـتَهُ سَهـلاً، وَأَنْتَ تَجْـعَلُ الحَزْنَ إِذا شِـئْتَ سَهـْلاً
O Allah, I seek refuge in you from grief and sadness, from weakness and laziness, from miserliness and cowardice, from being overcome by debt and overpowered by others.
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَعُوذُ بِكَ مِنَ الْهَمِّ وَالْحُزْنِ وَالْعَجْزِ وَالْكَسَلِ وَالْجُبْنِ وَالْبُخْلِ وَضَلَعِ الدَّيْنِ وَغَلَبَةِ الرِّجَالِ
O Allah, I hope for Your mercy. Do not leave me to myself even for a blink of an eye. Correct all of my affairs for me. There is none worthy of worship except You.
اللَّهُمَّ رَحْمَتَكَ أَرْجُو فَلَا تَكِلْنِي إِلَى نَفْسِي طَرْفَةَ عَيْنٍ وَأَصْلِحْ لِي شَأْنِي كُلَّهُ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَا أَنْتَ
Reciting the 2 last verses of Surah Al-Baqarah can repel any evil. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
“Whoever recites the last two verses of Surat al-Baqarah in the night, it is enough for him.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)
Our shared past with our families do not have to define us. Nor does our present have to be challenging. We can heal from generational trauma with counseling, faith, and patience. Allah reminds us to look back on the people in our past and extract positive lessons from them. If we understand that we are facing similar challenges, we will be assured that we can also overcome them, inshaAllah. It may be a long journey, however, Allah will reward you every step of the way as you draw closer to Him by simply trying to be your best for Him, your families, and your community.
Additional Reading
These are resources that are great for exploring trauma symptoms and helping you in your journey to heal from them:
Depression & Anxiety: The Causes & Treatment According to the Quran
by Muhammad Sa'id Ramadan Al-Buti, Mahdi Lock, and Hazem Nasr
“This book unveils hidden causes often overlooked within a secular paradigm. Delving into different types of depression and anxiety linked to specific causes, it emphasizes the role of a strengthened relationship with Allah in finding healing and empowerment. This book offers spiritual enrichment, guiding readers to lessen their attachment to this world, purify their hearts and souls, and understand the purpose of their existence. By drawing nearer to Allah and embracing the teachings of the Qurʾān, readers can gain the competence and strength to face life's challenges without succumbing to anxiety or depression.” https://www.amazon.ca/Depression-Anxiety-Causes-Treatment-According/dp/9811876363
The Body Keeps Score
by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D.
“The author is both a scientific researcher with a long history of measuring the effect of trauma on brain function, memory, and treatment outcomes, and an active therapist who keeps learning from his patients what benefits them most. The book’s central idea is the exposure of the abuse and violence fosters the development of a hyperactive alarm system and molds a body that gets stuck in fight/flight, and freeze. Trauma interferes with the brain circuits that involve focusing, flexibility, and being able to stay in emotional control. A constant sense of danger and helplessness promotes the continuous secretion of stress hormones, which wreaks havoc with the immune system and the functioning of the body’s organs. Only making it safe for trauma victims to inhabit their bodies, and to tolerate feeling what they feel, and knowing what they know, can lead to lasting healing.” https://www.besselvanderkolk.com/resources/the-body-keeps-the-score
End Notes
1 What Is Generational Trauma? — Talkspace
2 Generational Trauma: 13+ Effective Ways to Break the Cycle
3 Holocaust Exposure Induced Intergenerational Effects on FKBP5 Methylation - Biological Psychiatry
5 The Intergenerational Impact of Structural Racism and Cumulative Trauma on Depression - PMC
6 Ibid
7 Ibid
Sumayya Khan is a homeschooling mother of two and a teacher. She has worked with several Islamic schools and organizations in the last 10 years. In her free time, she loves to spend time with her family and friends, play sports, enjoy nature, and read books. She currently resides with her family in Toronto, Canada.
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