I Am an Imam and My Brother is Gay: Navigating the Intersection of Religion and Family

We live in a world where practicing Muslims grapple with the complexities of navigating interactions with the LGBTQ+ community and the shifting societal landscape surrounding the acceptance of diverse sexual orientations, gender identities, and same-sex unions. It is often overlooked, however,  that there are Muslims whom themselves face personal struggles with same-sex attraction or who have family members who identify as LGBTQ+. The prospect of either scenario is unsettling for anyone not in that situation. 

Now imagine being an imam, someone entrusted with guiding their community in matters of faith, being confronted with having a gay family member. How would he navigate this delicate relationship, finding a balance between unconditional love for his relative and upholding the principles of Islam? This concern is a reality for Imam Wesley Lebron, who had to learn how to balance the intersection of his religious convictions and his bond with his brother. 

Imam Wesley Lebron is a Puerto Rican, born and raised in New Jersey, who converted to Islam in 1998. He has studied Islamic sciences both locally and abroad. He pursued Arabic studies at the Islamic University of Madinah, Saudi Arabia from 2001 to 2002, and holds a B.A. in Islamic Studies from Mishkah University. Imam Lebron has been instrumental in outreach, education, and providing support for converts and Spanish-speaking Muslims within numerous Islamic organizations. He currently serves as the Imam and Director of Programs and Education for MAS New York Reverts Reconnect. He is also the Co-Founder and President of the 3 Puerto Rican Imams, a 501c3 non-profit humanitarian organization that provides disaster relief worldwide. 

Imam Lebron’s unique experience as a Puerto Rican American convert, imam, leader, and family man provides a necessary perspective on dealing with differences within our communities. We interviewed him to find out how he manages his relationship with a close relative who identifies as LGBTQ+ while upholding his Islamic values in an ever-changing sociopolitical landscape. 

Q: Could you please tell us about your family? How many brothers and sisters do you have and where do they live? 

My mother and father are both Puerto Rican; my father was born on the island and migrated here at a young age and my mother was born here in America. I have three siblings, one with my mother, and a brother who is now 41 years old. And then I have two other siblings, a brother, and a sister from my father's second marriage. My brother and my sister from my father's side are half-Ecuadorian and live in New Jersey. My mother and first brother live in Florida. 

Q: How important is your family to you and how do you keep close relations with them as a Muslim?

Family is very important to me, personally, and it is very important to us to be the close-knit Puerto Rican family that we are. We were brought up around family; family was everything. When I was a child, I was brought up with all my cousins, always visiting one another, staying over at each other's homes, and playing together. There were a lot of parties, a lot of get-togethers, and it was just all family. Everyone who came from Puerto Rico moved to the same area in Passaic (New Jersey) or in the surrounding areas, and we were always together. So, there has always been a strong affinity to love and have that love there for our family members. 

We had our tías and tíos – aunties and uncles – whom we love so much, and who took care of us and mashallah, enjoyed sharing their home-cooked meals. In terms of immediate family, we always had that bond, as well. Even though my parents divorced when I was young, around 10-years-old and my brother was only five, we remained relatively close. 

As a Muslim now, I try to keep in contact with my family as much as I can. In the initial stages of my conversion to Islam, naturally, I didn't stay in touch with them as much due to some pushback because they did not understand my decision. I wanted to live a righteous lifestyle – I stopped drinking, I stopped smoking, I stopped partying relatively quickly, and I would speak out against all of that. Because I am very upfront, it put a barrier in between us for a long time, and we didn't get together like we used to. Now that I've grown in my religion, have grown in my faith, and my understanding, we try to keep in contact as much as possible. 

Q: How would you describe your bond with your siblings?

My brother and I did not have that brotherly relationship growing up, because I was much older than he was, I was five years older. So, by the time he was 10, I was already in high school, experiencing life at a very different level than he was. And because of what I was going through and the things I was involved in, I would basically stay away from him. I ended up living with my dad immediately after our parents divorced, and my brother lived with my mother. We did not grow up in the same house together. 

Unfortunately, I was not aware of how difficult that was for him, until maybe a few years ago, when we spoke during a family crisis, and he expressed that he felt abandoned when I moved in with my father. The fact was that my mother was a young mom; she had me when she was 18 and him when she was about 23. Because she was young, she made mistakes and my brother experienced the brunt of that more than I did. 

I spent even less time around my other two siblings because of our age difference – one is around 15 years younger and the other one is 18 years younger. But now we keep in touch through group chat, we have barbecues together, and sometimes they rent an Airbnb and invite me to hang out with them, especially now that my second youngest brother has four children. I have three nephews and one niece from him, and one nephew from my sister. The children have brought us closer together. We try to set aside family days when we all come together to spend time with our father. 

Unfortunately, my brother who's in Florida doesn't get to enjoy that. All we can do is FaceTime him for 15 or 20 minutes and let him be a part of that virtually so he can spend some time with us. 

Q: You have mentioned that one of your siblings is from the LGBTQ+ community. How and when did you find out and what was your reaction?

My little brother from my father’s side is gay; he is part of the LGBTQ+ community. We found out he was openly gay when he was a sophomore or junior in high school. Initially, he was hiding it from everyone, but we heard rumors that he was cross-dressing. We had not seen it because I was not living with my mom. He and I were a bit disconnected, but there was a point during high school when he came to live with my dad for a little while. Eventually, the news that he was gay was confirmed when he expressed it to the family. 

When I heard about him being gay, it was not a big deal to me at the time, and I wasn’t yet a Muslim. I told him that it was his life and his choice. It was a bit more difficult for my father that his son was choosing this lifestyle. He and my father had a hard time coming to terms. Eventually, my dad loosened up. My mom was understanding from the very beginning because that was her baby, and she wasn't going to allow anything to affect their relationship. She was going to be there for him emotionally and to provide anything else he needed. 

He and I were rebuilding our relationship around the time when he came out. We would go out together, and we would hang out together. We respected each other. He was my little brother, and I didn't look down on him, nor did I see him as he was defective or broken. That is how we dealt with it in those initial stages.

Q: After you converted and learned of Islam’s stance on the LGBTQ+ issue, how did you navigate your relationship with your brother while maintaining firm upon your faith?

After I became a Muslim, I learned about the story of the people of Lut, and how Allah destroyed their community because of their homosexual behavior. At that point, I took a stance that as part of my faith, we don't say that living this lifestyle is an okay choice. I had children by that time, as well, so I felt the need to communicate what I was feeling. I had to sit down with my brother and come to an understanding with him regarding how we were going to maneuver this relationship – me as a Muslim with kids and him, practicing his lifestyle of homosexuality. How was all of that going to flow? 

I was very upfront with him, and he wanted to know if our relationship was going to change. After not having the close relationship we needed as kids because of not living in the same house, we were just then experiencing a sense of brotherhood. Suddenly, overnight within that year when we were finally building that relationship, I became Muslim. Now, him being 17 years of age, and me being 22, what was going to happen? He wondered where this was going and whether I was going to hate him because of his life choices. 

We decided to go out and have dinner together, just him and I without any other family members present. During dinner, we had a very real conversation. One of the things that we decided from the onset was that we were going to be respectful of one another, and see how we could continue building our brotherhood, and continue being family, despite having two opposite views on life, religion, the issue of homosexuality, and the LGBTQ+ movement, which wasn't as prevalent as it is today. 

During that conversation, one of the things that he asked was how do we gauge love? How do we determine love? He said, “Are you going to tell me that if God places in my heart that I love someone, and because I love that person who has the same gender as I do, that I'm wrong, and then that I'm going to hell?” With the limited knowledge I had back then, not having studied Islam at length, I told him, 

“We have a concept of hating and loving for the sake of Allah, and we love what God loves, and we hate what God hates. We dislike and hate those actions that were disliked by God; and from those actions that are clearly stated in the Quran and in the Bible are acts of homosexuality, same-sex relationships, and deviant sexual behaviors. We were taught that we had to get married to the opposite gender, that Allah created Eve for Adam, and that God punished Lot’s people because of this practice of homosexuality. This story is found in both the Bible and the Quran.” 

And I said to him, 

“This doesn't mean that I don't love you. This doesn't mean that I don't consider you to be my brother. Love is an action of the heart, and it's something that sometimes we can't control. We may not be able to control who we love, but we can control how we love. You must realize that what you're doing is a sin, and (as far as Islam is concerned) that you’re involved in a sinful lifestyle. And yes, maybe you love a person, and you can't control loving that person, but you can control the type of relationship you pursue. Just like a person loves to drink and learns to control that desire so he no longer consumes alcohol.”

I expressed that at the end of the day, while I did not support his choices, I still loved him as my brother, and I offered my assistance for anything he needed as long as it did not go against what God has commanded. I told him that just as I respected him, I expected him to also respect my faith. Alhamdulillah, all praise and thanks to Allah, we came to an understanding, and we've been able to maneuver our relationship around that understanding. For example, part of that agreement was that he would refrain from bringing a significant other around my children or that he would simply refer to them as a friend. Once my children reached the age of discernment and puberty, and they understood the differences and the issue of homosexuality, then at that point he could be open with them. By then I would have hopefully taught them enough so that they would also be making the right choices.   

He respected those things from me, mashaAllah, and never once disrespected me when it came to those ground rules. We built our relationship on respect and love, knowing that each of us was going to make our own choices, yet not allowing those to affect how we dealt with each other as a family. I have been Muslim for almost 25 years now, alhamdulillah, and he's been openly gay that entire time, and there has never been an issue of contention in our relationship at all.

Q: How long have you been an imam, and how has it shaped your relationship with your brother? 

I started working formally in the capacity of imam and educator around 2014. Alhamdulillah, because of the work that I do, my brother's impression regarding the Muslim community has been positive. He does not look at the Muslim community in a negative light because we don't support LGBTQ+. He understands why and knows most Muslims are going to uphold their faith and follow the teachings in the Quran and Sunnah. Regardless of whether they support the LGBTQ+ movement, he loves the Muslim community. 

He is impressed with how I live my life now, especially starting my own nonprofit, being the co-founder of the 3 Puerto Rican Imams, and doing the work that we do. It has really impacted him that his brother helps people around the world who are in need, building water wells, sending food, and doing whatever is necessary. We have also helped our non-Muslim relatives during difficult times and he really appreciated all of that. 

Q: Has your brother ever considered converting to Islam? Why or why not?

As strange as it is, he listens to my Islamic studies classes sometimes, and he’ll make comments like “I love that concept.”  He has become more religious throughout the years, now believing in God. We have never really talked about him converting to Islam. I have never asked any of my family members those questions outright. We lead by example and if they show interest, we talk to them, but I have never openly asked, “Do you want to become Muslim?” Everyone in my family that has become Muslim has approached me to tell me they wanted to convert, and we have facilitated their shahada based on that. I have given them Qurans. My brother keeps the Quran near his bed, and he reads it. 

My mother, who is a Muslim now, talks to him about the Quran and about Islam. Thankfully, he has always had a positive outlook on Islam and Muslims because of the way that I treat him and our relationship.  

Q: The LGBTQ+ issue is one that has become prevalent in the U.S., including in our masjids. How should other imams and regular Muslims successfully interact with those who identify as part of that community?

I think this is a question that the Muslim leadership still has to really come together to develop, inshaAllah, God willing. There are organizations like Yaqeen Institute that have been leading this conversation with many imams, scholars, and people of knowledge from different fields. Many of these things are being discussed – how to move forward, what to do, what our stance should be, how to illustrate and express that position. We are in that development phase of how to move forward with this specific issue. 

Generally speaking, we need to be firm regarding anything that contradicts the Quran and Sunnah. We should not sacrifice our principles and remain humble and resilient under these circumstances. Yes, there are going to be rules and regulations to follow if someone from that community comes into our spaces. We must identify what that process is going to look like. There are many issues to consider and discussions that need to take place with scholars, community leaders, and organizations that are at the forefront. 

As Allah tells us, 

“And hold firmly to the rope of Allah all together…” 

(Surah Al-Imran, 3:103)

So inshaAllah, we can pave the way for ourselves before the tsunami hits us and we don’t know how to protect or defend ourselves, our faith, our beliefs, and the like. I think that's where we are at this moment, and I think personally each individual and community is going to have to take a stand and support one another upon that. 

In light of the evolving societal trends that embrace greater visibility and inclusivity for LGBTQ+ individuals, it becomes imperative for us, as Muslims, to recognize that we do not live in a bubble. We find ourselves in a country that supports and even celebrates LGBTQ+ actions and lifestyles. Like Imam Lebron, we are likely to come into close contact with members of that community - our neighbors, coworkers, teachers, strangers we encounter in public spaces, and even some of our family members (non-Muslims and Muslims alike). Additionally, we are bombarded with messaging that promotes the same, on television, in stores, plastered on clothing, etc. 

As Imam Lebron mentioned, we must adopt a personal and community response that is in line with Quranic guidance and the teachings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. The Imam has provided his personal story as a means of teaching us how we can reject the sin of homosexuality yet be compassionate with the individuals who are struggling with same-sex attraction, gender dysphoria, or openly committing acts of homosexuality. By offering a clear faith-based position coupled with a wholesome Islamic character, the biggest message we can offer about Islam and any topic is to lead by example.

Wendy Díaz is a Puerto Rican Muslim writer, award-winning poet, translator, and mother of six (ages ranging from infant to teen). She is the co-founder of Hablamos Islam, a non-profit organization that produces educational resources about Islam in Spanish (hablamosislam.org). She has written, illustrated, and published over a dozen children’s books and currently lives with her family in Maryland. Follow Wendy Díaz on social media @authorwendydiaz and @hablamosislam.