Islam is the perfected way of life revealed to a perfected man so that he could deliver its message to a less-than-perfect world in need of divinely perfect guidance. Embedded within this guidance are descriptions of how we as worshippers of Allah can live our best lives. This includes how we should behave as family members. The heart of the family is the mother. Her faith, character, and behavior are foundational to the stability of the family and the greater community. She, as a mother, is the first teacher of the next generation of Muslims. She is the keeper of traditions and values.
The Ideal Worshipper
While there is no comprehensive Islamic list of the ideal characteristics of motherhood, we can make inferences about those qualities based on the descriptions of the ideal worshipper and the examples from the Quran and authentic Sunnah of praiseworthy women and mothers.
The qualities of the ideal mother can be divided into general and specific traits. The general ones are those qualities for which all people should strive. Some of the best examples of these qualities are found in the Quran:
“Indeed, the Muslim men and Muslim women, the believing men and believing women, the obedient men and obedient women, the truthful men and truthful women, the patient men and patient women, the humble men and humble women, the charitable men and charitable women, the fasting men and fasting women, the men who guard their private parts and the women who do so, and the men who remember Allah often and the women who do so –
for them Allah has prepared forgiveness and a great reward.”
(Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:35)
The verse above outlines the basic, virtuous behaviors of all people, including mothers. Allah lets the believers know that gender is not a condition of piety. All of us, including the mothers among us, must accept Islam and stay firm in faith after that acceptance. All of us must be humble, patient, charitable, chaste, and obedient to the commands of Allah. We should all follow the pillars of Islam, such as fasting and prayer. We should dhikr or remember Allah abundantly. We should all tell the truth.
There are, however, specific qualities that are even more emphasized in the context of motherhood.
The Ideal Mother is Honorable
In Islam, motherhood is a position of honor. While some modern societies tend to elevate the status of single people by focusing on the individual, those that are centered around Islamic ideals honor the parents and the family unit. One example of honoring the parent (and by extension, the mother) is the practice of naming oneself with a kunya, a name that is added to one's given name. It is usually derived from the name of one's eldest child, preceded by the words Umm (mother) or Abu (father). There are many examples of kunyas that include references to descriptive qualities, objects, or animals, such as the kunya, Abu Huraira, the father of the kitten. The adoption of a kunya shows that it was an honor to be a parent.
Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, the youngest wife of the Prophet, was known by the kunya Umm Abdullah, even though she had no children. Collectively, the wives of the Prophet are known as the Ummul Mumineen, or the Mothers of the Believers, even though most believers do not descend directly from them. The title "mother" is a term of respect and endearment. This usage is affirmed in the Quranic verse:
"The Prophet has a stronger affinity to the believers than they do themselves. And his wives are their mothers."
(Surah Al-Ahzab, 33:6)
The Ideal Mother is Merciful
The mother occupies a noble position in Islam, one that is characterized by her sense of mercy toward her family and others. Allah’s beautiful names, Ar Rahman and Ar Raheem, both are derived from the same root as the Arabic name for the womb, ar-rahm. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
“Verily, the womb is a branch derived from the name of the Most Merciful. He will maintain whoever maintains its relations, and He will cut off whoever cuts off its relations.”
(Musnad Ahmad, #2953)
So closely associated with motherhood is the idea of mercy that the mercy of the mother is often used to show, by analogy, the mercy of Allah. Allah is Most Merciful to His creation in a way that is far greater than a mother’s mercy to her family. The great khalifa, Umar ibn al-Khattab, reported:
“Some prisoners of war were brought to the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. A nursing woman was among them. Whenever she found a baby among the prisoners, she would take it to her chest and nurse it. The Prophet asked us, ‘Do you think this woman would throw her child into the fire?’ We said, ‘No, not if she was able to stop it.’ The Prophet said, ‘Allah is more merciful to His servants than this mother is to her child.’”
(Sahih Bukhari and Muslim)
The Ideal Mother is Dedicated to her Faith and Worship
The ideal mother is, first and foremost, a worshipper of Allah. Her duties as a mother and wife do not deter her from becoming the best spiritual version of herself. Such is the example found in the life of Maryam, the mother of Prophet Isa, peace be upon him. When the mother of Maryam, upon her be peace, was pregnant, she prayed that her child would grow up to be a person who served in the temple. Allah reveals in the Quran:
"Behold! a wife of Imran said: ‘O my Lord! I do dedicate to You what is in my womb for Your special service, so accept this of me, for You hear and know all things.’ When she delivered the baby, she said, ‘‘My Lord! I have given birth to a girl, [and Allah fully knew what she had delivered] and the male is not like the female. I have named her Maryam, and I seek Your protection for her and her offspring from Satan, the accursed.’”
(Surah Al-Imran, 3:35-36)
Maryam’s mother wanted her child to be dedicated to religious service, but because Maryam was a female, she could not serve in the traditional manner. Instead of becoming a rabbi or another type of religious leader, Allah blessed Maryam with an even higher status. She became the mother of a prophet even though she was a virgin. Her special status was affirmed in the Quranic verse:
“And when the angels said: ‘O Maryam! Verily, God has chosen you, purified you, and chosen you above the women of the worlds of mankind and jinn.’”
(Surah Al-Imran, 3:42)
Maryam bint Imran (the mother of Isa), may Allah be pleased with her, is indeed an example of the ideal Muslim mother. She is revered in Islam as the only woman mentioned in the Quran by her proper name. She is referred to 70 times, and she is identified as the greatest woman to have ever lived. Islamic history lists her as one of the four perfect women – the others being Khadijah (the wife of Muhammad), Fatimah (the daughter of Muhammad), and Asiya (the wife of Pharaoh), may Allah be pleased with all of them. Maryam's lineage and story are related in the chapters of the Quran named Al-Imran, An-Nisaa, Al-Maaidah, Maryam, Al-Anbiya, and Al-Mumin.
From the story of Maryam, we learn that the position of mother is, in and of itself, a high form of religious service when it is carried out sincerely, seeking the pleasure of Allah. We also learn that Allah hears and responds to the mothers' prayers.
The Ideal Mother Makes Sacrifices on Behalf of Her Family
The ideal mother makes sacrifices for her family. She gives from her own belongings and often subordinates her own needs for the sake of her children and family. Her first sacrifice is during pregnancy. The pregnant mother has to be patient as her appearance changes. Her favorite clothes no longer fit. She often cannot eat her favorite meals. She may experience leg cramps and morning sickness. There are times when she may choose to forego her own medication and comfort for the safety of her child. She has to endure discomfort and pain, especially the pain of labor. Even after the pregnancy, the mother’s movements may be restricted for the duration of the nursing period until the baby is weaned. Her baby depends on her.
The Quran reminds us that this sacrifice warrants the children being grateful to Allah and their parents. It says:
“And We have enjoined upon man (care) for his parents. His mother carried him, (increasing her) in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the (final) destination.”
(Surah Luqman, 31: 14)
Khadijah bint Khuwaylid, may Allah be pleased with her, exemplifies this sacrifice. The first wife of Prophet Muhammad, she was the mother of Qasim, Abdullah, Zainab, Ruqayyah, Umm Kulthum, and Fatimah. When she married the Prophet, she was already a very wealthy businesswoman who was known for her generosity. She used her wealth to help the poor and the orphans. She even paid the doweries of poor women so they could get married.
Although Khadijah had numerous marriage proposals, she chose Prophet Muhammad, who was 15 years her junior and did not have significant wealth. This was truly a marriage blessed by Allah. Muhammad, the future Prophet of Islam was marrying Khadijah, a woman who had never believed in idols. This is important because the household of the Prophet was the first place of learning for the children that she had with Muhammad, and it was a gathering place for the early Muslims. The fact that Khadijah, as a mother and wife, rejected shirk shows the importance of choosing a spouse who will raise the children with the correct religious understanding.
Khadijah did not complain when the work of the Prophet's mission changed their economic condition. In fact, she supported the cause of Islam and managed the affairs of a household that included children and extended family. When the Quraysh boycotted the early Muslims, Khadijah suffered through it, but her health later deteriorated. After she died, the Prophet noted her sacrifice, saying;
“When no one believed me, she believed in me, when people accused me of lying, she affirmed my truthfulness, and when people tried to impoverish me, she made me a partner in her wealth.”
(Musnad of Ahmad)
Her sacrifice and dedication remain examples to all believers.
The Ideal Mother May Not Be a Birth Mother
Asiya, upon her be peace the wife of Firawn, is considered to be one of the four perfect women. Her exemplary behavior while married to one of the most evil people that history has ever known earned her a mansion in Paradise. When her husband decreed that the male children of Israel be killed, she took the baby Musa into her household. She was not his actual birth mother, yet she made sure that he was safe and had a good upbringing, treating him with love and kindness.
Likewise, Umm Ayman, also known as Bakarah, the caretaker of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was not his mother, yet he referred to her as “ummi” or “my mother.” She was the only person who was with the Prophet throughout his entire life. place in Paradise!”
The Ideal Mother is Persistent and Relies on Allah
As mentioned in the story of Asiya, the wife of Pharaoh, Musa‘s birth mother placed him in a reed basket and set him adrift on the river to protect him from the treachery of Pharoah. Her brave act is the epitome of reliance on Allah. She had no idea what the fate of her baby would be as it floated down the river, but she trusted Allah. As a reward for her trust, Allah decreed that her child be returned to her so that she could breastfeed him.
The qualities of persistence and reliance are also exemplified in Hajar Umm Ismail, upon her be peace. Hajar was the wife of Ibrahim, and it is through the lineage of her son Ismail that the family of the Prophet descends.
Allah commanded Ibrahim, peace be upon upon him, to take Hajar to the desolate area of Bakkah, which would later be called Makkah. When she realized he was about to leave her and her son alone in the desert, the brave Hajar asked:
“‘O Ibrahim. Where are you going, leaving us in this valley where there is no one nor is there anything else around (a barren land)?’ She repeatedly asked (him), but he did not turn (to respond). She then asked him, ‘Did Allah command you to do so?’ He said, ‘Yes.’ She said, ‘Then He [Allah] will not leave us (to be lost).’"
(Sahih Al-Bukhari)
Her final question to Ibrahim was whether Allah had commanded him to leave her and his son in the wilderness. Once he affirmed that he was fulfilling Allah’s decree, the mother Hajar did not question her plight. She declared her faith, saying Allah will not leave us. Her trust and reliance were in Allah.
When her baby Ismail became thirsty, Hajar started to search for water. She climbed up a hill called Safa, looking for water or help, and then ran to another hill named Marwa to do the same. Back and forth she ran seven times, as her thirsty baby cried. She did not see from either hill any help in sight. When she was exhausted and without options for her starving child, the Angel Jibril came to her. He struck the sand with his heel. Water then gushed out from the Earth. Hajar drank and was then able to nurse her child to his fill. The water is known as Zamzam, and the ritual acts of running between Safa and Marwa during Hajj mimic Hajar's persistence and reliance
As the water of Zamzam continued to flow, birds began to fly overhead. Caravans could see the birds from a distance, so they started to visit and eventually settle in what once had been a barren land. This is the same land to which millions of Muslims make the pilgrimage every year.
Hajar did not give up. Her reliance on Allah and her persistent determination to take care of her child are two qualities the ideal mother should possess.
The Ideal Mother is Patient and Has Hope
In Bukhari and Muslim, it is recorded that the daughter of Prophet Muhammad sent someone to the Prophet asking him to come quickly as her child was gasping for breath. The Prophet told the person to convey his greeting to her and say:
"Whatever Allah takes is for Him and whatever He gives, is for Him, and everything with Him has a limited fixed term, and therefore she should be patient and hope for Allah's reward." His daughter again sent for the Prophet, swearing that he should come quickly. The Prophet got up, and so did Sa’d bin 'Ubada, Muadh bin Jabal, Ubai bin Ka'b, Zaid bin Thabit and some other men. The child was then brought to the Prophet while his breath was still very disturbed in his chest. When he saw that, the Prophet started to cry. Sa’d said, "O Allah's Apostle! What is this?" He replied, "It is mercy which Allah has lodged in the hearts of His slaves, and Allah is merciful only to those of His slaves who are merciful (to others).”
(Riyadus Saliheen, The Book of Miscellany, #29)
It is natural for a mother to want her child to be healthy and safe. It is understandable that a mother would panic when her child is gravely ill. We can see, from the advice of the Prophet, that the mother’s ideal response should be to be patient and maintain hope.
The Ideal Mother is a Positive Influence throughout Her Children’s Life
Asma was the daughter of Abu Bakr and the sister of Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her. She was also the mother of several notable people including, Abdullah ibn Zubair. After the death of the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, Abdullah was involved in fighting for the cause of Allah. Respecting his mother’s opinion, he consulted her about Hajjaj ibn Yusuf’s siege of Mecca. By that time, Asma was about a 100-years-old and was blind. Abdullah asked her if he should continue to fight or surrender. Abdullah confided in his mother that he was concerned about Hajjah’s promise to desecrate his body if he was captured.
Asma told Abdullah that he should not worry about dying. He would not feel anything after his death. She reminded him of the reward for fighting in the path of Allah. Abdullah bin Zubair returned to the battlefield energized after his talk with his mother. He fought courageously and died the death of a martyr. Hajjaj bin Yusuf then hung up Abdullah’s body and did not take it down for days. Hajjaj later threw the body of Abdullah into the graveyard. Asma sent for the body and had the Muslims conduct the funeral prayer for her son. Finally, she buried her beloved son's body in Makkah.
Throughout her life, Asma was steadfast, encouraging those around her, including Abdullah ibn Zubair, to defend the Islamic faith. She is an example of how the mother’s influence and input are important, even after a person has become an adult.
The concept of motherhood in Islam and the ideal behaviors that can be derived from it are examples, not just for women and not just for Muslims, but for all of humanity. Study the stories of the righteous women in the Quran and Sunnah in order to identify praiseworthy characteristics that will contribute to the betterment of our society. There are many more who are worthy of our attention.
Candice “Sister Islaah” Abd’al-Rahim reverted to Islam in 1976, and considers herself a student of knowledge. She has deep education credentials which include an M.A. in Teaching, a Certificate of Advanced Studies (Post-Masters) in Administration and Supervision, a B.S. in English, and experiences as a principal (in fact the first hijab public school principal in Maryland!), curriculum and staff developer, mentor, and classroom teacher of grades pre-K through 12. She is a former adjunct professor at Johns Hopkins University’s Graduate School of Education and is a doctoral candidate in Islamic Sciences at the International Online University. Islaah’s contributions to the field have earned her honors in the Who’s Who of Distinguished JHU Alumni. She is a wife, daughter, mother, and grandmother and is an active member of several Muslim communities in the Baltimore area.
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