Let’s be honest – finding a Muslim spouse in America is difficult. The process is nuanced by availability of single Muslims in the total population, opportunities to meet or recommend, cultural and ethnic differences and preferences, as well as personal expectations. Individuals that are neurodivergent may find this a particular challenge, but it is not impossible. Parents with neurodiverse children who have become of marriageable age need strong support, patience and Iman when seeking a spouse for their child.
Several Muslim scholars, most notably author, educator and scholar Dr. Omer Suleiman acknowledge that neurodiversity is a part of the divine plan for the human existence. Dr. Suleiman recommends communication, compassion, inclusion and accommodation for neurodiverse individuals.
Neurodiversity includes people with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) which impacts attention and impulse control, Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) which affects communication, social interaction and behavior, Dyslexia which involves learning difficulties in reading and even Tourette Syndrome which involves repetitive, involuntary movements or sounds.
Many Muslim families may view a neurodiverse family member as a test of faith. Families with neurodiverse individuals need support and accommodation, education and understanding. As families work to raise their child, often the focus on life for the individual after elementary or secondary school is lost. Families may be working through the level of severity with some individuals unable to perform religious duties making them not accountable for religious obligations. Still other families may have high-functioning children they work to stabilize and comfort.
Either way, the child on the autism spectrum will eventually become the adult on the spectrum and families need to prepare for the future with patience and understanding.
Families with high-functioning members on the autism spectrum tend to already have mechanisms in place to handle their differentiation. A college student on the spectrum may communicate with the college and access legal accommodation for a quiet environment, extended test taking time, assistive technology, routine and other supports. An individual on the spectrum in the workplace may communicate with an employer and seek job assignments that align with their strengths or use noise canceling headphones, specific written instructions, minimized distractions and routine.
The need to communicate is a recurring theme within accommodation for a family member who is on the spectrum. For parents with children on the spectrum who are of marriageable age, they should initially assess the level of functioning of the individual. If their child is already functioning in society having finished college or is gainfully employed, then marriage is a possibility, especially if the child has expressed a lot of interest in being married.
When approaching families about a potential match, it is important to communicate that the individual is high-functioning and also that they are on the spectrum. This will help a potential mate understand how to respond. An individual with autism spectrum disorder may be uncomfortable with excessive touching, for example which if unknown could confuse a mate as to their personal interest.
If a potential mate is also on the spectrum, although they have shared experiences and similar needs that help their bond, they would need to be careful with sensory overload, challenges in communication and other differences. If a potential mate does not experience any divergence, then the families would need to communicate what to expect and offer additional support for the couple.
Authorities in the field suggest that families consider and communicate some of the most common manifestations for those with autism spectrum disorder.
- Challenges with assessing social cues
- May be easily overwhelmed with sensory input
- Inability to maintain eye contact without discomfort
- Adherence to routines and rituals
- Sensitivity to noise, light, smell
- May hyper-focus on interests or work
- May be considered blunt or even selfish
- Frustrations with small disruptions
After being open and honest about these habits, parents and potential spouses can focus on seeking individuals with religious commitment, good character and compatibility
Although there are not a wealth of mechanisms in place to find a spouse, there are options for those seeking marriage
- Parents can always speak with other parents to facilitate a match
- Families can involve extended family and friends in the search for recommendations
- Parents and individuals may access marriage programs in a local masjid
- Individuals an attend national conferences and events that promote and offer opportunities for marriage
- Families can use personal profiles on Islamic marriage sites
- For families with members on the spectrum, they Islamic marriage websites that include areas for neurodiverse individuals like halfourdeen which opened a section for neurodiverse Muslims a few years ago https://www.halfourdeen.com/
- Families can also access Muslim agencies that work with the neurodiverse for any recommendations like Muhsen - Muslims United for Handicap and Special Education Needs)
The key for parents and family is to access their family member’s capacity and desire. High-functioning individuals are likely to find spouses and many with undiagnosed conditions are already married. Insha’Allah, the child on the autism spectrum will grow up to be an adult, and parents and family members can work together to ensure that the individual has a full life.
Author bio: Mahasin D. Shamsid-Deen is the news curator and content manager for Muslim Network TV (MNTV) and contributing writer for Sound Vision. She holds a Master’s degree in English Writing and has worked as both a High School and College ESL Instructor and Writing Instructor for more than a decade. Mahasin has numerous published articles, books, essays and is a published playwright with three award winning stage plays. She is currently writing her dissertation for her doctoral degree
Add new comment