While most of us would agree that opening up communication within our homes can be a crucial way to nurture stronger and healthier relationships, many fail to recognize that it can significantly improve the mental health and emotional well-being of family members, too. This is partly due to the persistence of stigma surrounding the topic, which is primarily associated with the fear of making one feel vulnerable. And it is precisely this fear that exacerbates the practice of expressing emotions freely.
We all desire healthy relationships, but sharing our raw emotions can be uncomfortable, intimidating, and leave us feeling weak and exposed. This fear often stems from concerns about rejection, hurt, or being judged indifferently by others. It is important to overcome it though, in order to promote overall well-being, build deeper connections, and foster greater emotional intimacy within families.
Setting the Stage
Overcoming the inhibitions that prevent emotional expression can be a difficult process, but it is nevertheless, possible. This is because, as humans, we possess the ability to modify our typical reactions to emotions and experiences depending on our level of comfort. For instance, we may find it easier to express our emotions with trusted family members and friends, in a safe and supportive environment. This can help us to become more emotionally aware and improve our skills in identifying and expressing our feelings. However, even with a supportive network, some individuals may still struggle to emotionally connect with others and may require consistent intervention until they develop these skills effortlessly. And, this is where reframing our perspective as a family can go a long way in enabling us to express our emotions more openly and create a supportive home environment. By taking the time to explore the following areas together, we can strengthen our bonds as individuals, parents, and caregivers, and set an example for our children to mirror.
1. Address the stigma around emotional well-being.
The stigma surrounding mental health can make it difficult for us, and our children, to speak openly about our feelings and seek help when we need it. This is a pervasive problem and one that can lead to negative outcomes such as social isolation, timely access to attention and care, and poor emotional well-being.
One way to overcome this barrier is for parents to take the time to educate themselves and simply talk about emotions and mental health in a positive and supportive way. By promoting the expression of feelings openly within our homes without fear of judgment, parents can help create a safe space for children to talk about their emotions and concerns, too.
To do: Introduce the concept of open communication with resources such as books, articles, and podcasts that promote the positive appreciation of emotions. Parents can refer to these tools in order to enhance their own lives, as well as to disregard shame in seeking emotional well-being.
[For more information on this topic, read Addressing the Stigma of Mental Health in the Muslim Community.]
2. Reflect on the importance of discussing feelings.
Talking about feelings is an essential component of emotional intelligence and can have a significant impact on a child’s healthy development. By encouraging children to express their emotions in a safe and non-judgmental environment, parents can help them identify and understand their feelings better. This, in turn, helps children develop emotional self-awareness and regulate their emotions effectively.
Children who are encouraged to talk about their feelings tend to be more self-aware and confident in expressing themselves. They also tend to have stronger relationships with others, be it within the family, friends, or their extended social circle. Moreover, when children feel comfortable discussing their feelings, it can help them cope with stress and challenging situations more effectively. This is because talking about our feelings can help us develop coping strategies and problem-solving skills. Similarly, when children have the ability to identify and express their emotions, they will be able to seek support when they need it.
To do: Establish a code of conduct as a family unit, where you essentially discuss the importance of recognizing personal emotions and sharing them. One way to do that could be to emphasize the acknowledgment of emotions and reflect on how they have an impact on our well-being.
For example: discuss how positive emotions like joy, love, gratitude, and contentment can help us feel more connected with those around us, increase our overall sense of satisfaction and happiness, and build resilience. On the contrary, when we suppress negative emotions and keep to ourselves, these feelings build up over time and lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. Moreover, inhibiting emotional expressions can negatively impact relationships as they can lead to misunderstandings and a lack of meaningful connection. This resultantly leads to an increased lack of self-awareness.
3. Normalize the expression of emotions yourself.
To encourage a culture of open emotional expression in our homes, it is crucial for parents to model this behavior themselves. This can be achieved by actively sharing personal experiences and using relatable examples, such as discussing how receiving positive feedback made you feel valued and motivated, or how you felt frustrated and overwhelmed when faced with an unreasonable workload. For example, a parent could share with their child how they were nervous about a job interview but overcame their fears by preparing thoroughly and practicing their responses. This can show the child that it is normal to experience a range of emotions and that it is healthy to talk about them.
Another example could be a parent sharing how they dealt with a conflict with a friend or family member by calmly discussing the issue and finding a resolution. This can teach the child that communication is key in maintaining healthy relationships and that it is okay to express their emotions and work towards resolving conflicts.
To do: Here are some additional tips to help normalize the expression of emotions, as parents.
- Create a safe space: Set aside time to talk about feelings and create a supportive environment for everyone to express themselves. Encourage everyone to listen without judgment and respect each other's opinions and feelings.
- Use age-appropriate language: Use language that is appropriate for each family member's age and level of understanding. Younger children may need simpler language, while older children and teenagers may be able to engage in more complex discussions.
- Start small: Begin by talking about small, everyday feelings like happiness, frustration, or boredom. This can help everyone get comfortable with sharing their emotions and build trust. Leading by example and sharing your own feelings with your family can help children feel more comfortable sharing their own emotions.
- Encourage empathy: Encourage your family members to put themselves in each other's shoes and understand how others are feeling. This can help build empathy and improve communication.
- Use activities: Use activities like drawing, writing, or role-playing to help younger children express their feelings. For older children and teenagers, activities like journaling or mindfulness exercises can be helpful.
- Make it a regular practice: Make talking about feelings a regular part of your family's routine. This can help everyone feel more comfortable sharing their emotions and create a stronger sense of connection within the family.
A Final Word
The home is truly a child's first and most influential learning environment, and parents serve as their child's first teacher and role model. As children observe and emulate their parents' communication, behavior, and interaction with the world around them, they develop their sense of self-worth, emotional intelligence, and values. Hence, it is crucial for parents to model and promote healthy communication and emphasize the significance of balancing positive and negative emotions to raise awareness about mental and emotional well-being.
Moreover, it is vital to nurture these skills from an early age by fostering open communication in our homes, especially for young children who may lack the vocabulary or experience to express how they are feeling. By building a foundation of emotional intelligence and healthy communication in the home, parents can equip their children with lifelong skills to manage their emotions and navigate their relationships successfully.
And last but not least, parents should prioritize their own mental health and practice self-care, as this can help them provide better support for their children.
Umm Ahmed is an early childhood educator and mother of three boys. Always on the quest to learn, she is passionate about seeking knowledge and passing it on to others. A writer in the making, she draws inspiration through deep conversations, laws of nature, and her own children. She and her family are currently living in Abu Dhabi, UAE.
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