If You Are Always Talking, When Are You Learning?

There is a tremendous amount of information available to the person who knows how to be quiet.

Sometimes, if you remain silent long enough, a person will tell you everything you never even thought to ask.

They will tell you what they value.

They will tell you what they fear.

They will tell you how they treat people.

They will tell you what they think about their friends when those friends are absent.

They may reveal their prejudices, insecurities, ambitions, loyalties, grudges, and weaknesses.

You did not interrogate them.

You simply listened.

There is something about silence that makes some people uncomfortable. They rush to fill it. And once they become intoxicated by the sound of their own voice, they may begin saying things they never intended to reveal.

The Muslim should understand the value of listening, and avoiding the pitfalls of talking too much.

Allah says in the Noble Qur’an:

“Those who listen to the Word and follow the best thereof… those are (the ones) whom Allah has guided and those are men of understanding.” Surah Az-Zumar 39:18 

There is an important sequence here.

They listen.

They consider what they have heard.

Then they follow what is best.

Listening is not intellectual weakness. Sometimes it is evidence of intellectual maturity.

You Cannot Learn While You Are Performing.  There is another danger in constantly needing to speak.  Eventually, we can begin believing that we are the smartest person in every room.  We become accustomed to explaining.

Correcting.

Teaching.

Interrupting.

Giving our opinion.

Having the final word.

And slowly, without realizing it, conversation stops becoming an exchange of knowledge and becomes a performance.

But wisdom should make us desire something different.  At a minimum, we should want to be surrounded by peers with whom we can exchange beneficial information.  Even better, we should deliberately seek the company of people who exceed us in knowledge, experience, wisdom, and understanding.

Because then we can grow.

There is no shame in entering a room and discovering that someone knows more than you.

That is an opportunity.

The problem is entering that room and talking so much that you leave knowing exactly what you knew when you entered.

If you are always talking, how are you consuming information?

If you are always the loudest person in the room, how can you hear and absorb the world around you?

Knowledge Requires Humility.  The Islamic tradition was not built by people who believed becoming knowledgeable meant they no longer needed teachers.  Scholars traveled enormous distances to sit with other scholars.

A person knowledgeable in one field sought someone stronger in another.

Students listened.

Questions were asked.

Answers were considered.

Knowledge was transmitted because someone understood that there was something another person possessed that they did not.

That requires humility.

Perhaps one of the most dangerous consequences of excessive talking, therefore, is not merely that we might say something wrong.  It is that excessive speech can convince us that we already know enough.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.” Sahih al-Bukhari 6018; Sahih Muslim 47

This does not mean that speech itself is undesirable.

Good speech is beneficial.  Teaching is beneficial.  Giving sincere advice is beneficial.  Asking questions is beneficial.  Defending truth is beneficial.

The issue is developing the belief that everything occurring inside our minds deserves an audience.  It does not.

Allah reminds us:

“Not a word does he (or she) utter, but there is a watcher by him ready (to record it).” Surah Qaf 50:18 

That alone should make the believer more deliberate.

Silence Also Reveals Character.  There is another benefit to listening that is rarely discussed.

People reveal themselves when you give them room to speak.

You may discover someone’s character by observing how they speak about someone who cannot hear them.

You may learn how trustworthy someone is by noticing how freely they reveal another person’s private affairs.

You may recognize arrogance by listening to how often someone needs to remind others of their accomplishments.

You may discover envy when every mention of another person’s success requires criticism.

And sometimes you will discover goodness.  This is the action

• Someone will praise another person when there is nothing to gain from it.
• Someone will protect an absent Muslim’s honor.
• Someone will admit, “I don’t know.”
• Someone will listen carefully before answering.
• Someone will allow another person to finish speaking.
• Silence gives you the opportunity to notice these things.

You do not have to investigate people or hunt for their faults. You simply learn to observe what people voluntarily place before you.

• And while observing others, family or friends - you should be observing yourself.
• Do I listen to understand, or merely wait for my opportunity to respond?
• Can someone teach me something without me immediately trying to demonstrate what I know?
• Can I sit among people more knowledgeable than myself without feeling threatened?
• Can I hear correction without preparing a rebuttal before the person has finished speaking?

Those are questions of humility.

 

Sometimes the Wisest Person Is Listening

Being quiet does not automatically make someone wise any more than being talkative automatically makes someone foolish.  The issue is knowing when speech is beneficial and when silence is more beneficial.  There will always be times when we should speak.

But we should never become so enamored with our own voices that we forget that Allah gave us ears as well as tongues.

Every conversation does not require our expertise.

Every silence does not need to be filled.

Every opinion does not need to be expressed.

Sometimes there is knowledge sitting across from us.

Sometimes there is wisdom speaking quietly.

Sometimes someone is unintentionally showing us exactly who they are.

And sometimes the greatest obstacle preventing us from receiving any of it is our determination to keep talking.

There are things people will teach you intentionally, and there are things they will teach you without ever realizing they taught you anything.

But you can miss both lessons if you are only waiting for your turn to speak.

So every once in a while, be comfortable not being the loudest person in the room.

Listen.

Observe.

Learn.

To paraphrase:  if you are always talking, when are you learning?