Divine Advice

"And among His Signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in that are Signs for those who reflect." (Quran 30:21)

The patience of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, was exemplary. Even when his wives tested his patience he remained calm.  When our mother Ayesha, may Allah be pleased with her, flipped the tray of food prepared by our mother Hafsa, please Allah be pleased with her, during a visit of guests, the Prophet remained calm. 

Most would have resorted to cruel punishment for such embarrassing display but the Prophet picked up the remaining food, served it to his guests, gently apologized for the behavior of his wife, Ayesha, and continued to host his company.  Later he asked Ayesha to provide one of her plates for the plate she had broken.  Alhamdulilah he did not display the uncontrollable anger that many spouses display for something much less than this.

Tips for a Successful Marriage from "Experienced Muslim Couples "

Compiled By Zarinah Nadir

At a recent dinner to promote National Muslim Marriage Week couples shared keys to a successful marriage. They graciously agreed to share them with Marriage Today readers as well.

Shanawaz and Nazli Currim from Gilbert, Arizona, have been  married  48 years. Shanawaz believes one key to a successful marriage is to select the right spouse prior to marriage.

Nazli’s tips are three:

1) Try to look at the strengths and positives in your spouses and try to embody them.
2)  Do not end the day by being angry with each other.  Advice from my mother: "If you sleep angry with each other then the angels send curses on both of you throughout the night." 
3) Do not betray your spouse’s trust.  That is the most difficult to repair in a marriage.

Please send one key to a successful marriage to Marriage Today, Editor.  Let us know your name, where you are from and how long you have been married. InshaAllah in coming issues we will publish your key or tip for a successful marriage.

Domestic Violence & the Muslim Community

October is Domestic Violence Awareness month. This issue of Marriage Today will remind us of how important it is strive for and do our utmost to maintain a peaceful family life. Domestic Violence hurts everyone including the couple, the children, the extended family, and the society. According to Peaceful Families Project, “statistics indicate that 1 in 3 women in the U. S. have been or will be a victim of domestic violence."

According to a study conducted by Shareefa Al Khateeb in 1998 physical violence occurs in about 10% of Muslim marriages in the U.S. Based on international studies and preliminary research in the U.S. the rates of verbal and emotional abuse may be as high as 50%.”

Studying the example of Prophet Muhammad saws and how he treated his wives and behaved in his relationships with family and friends provides a framework for our married life and for the development of healthy relationships. We strongly urge every Muslim to study the example of the marriage and family life of our Prophet saws so that we can use it as a guide for us.

Organizations around the country have begun to address domestic violence among Muslims. Peaceful Families Project , the Islamic Social Services Association-USA and Soundvision are among the nationwide leaders in promoting education and prevention of domestic violence. Resources from these organizations and others have been used in this issue of Marriage Today

Take time to learn about this devastating social issue. Learn how it is impacting marriages among Muslims today and how it can be prevented.

Aneesah Nadir, Editor

One in Four Women Will Experience Domestic Violence
By Meha Ahmad

Domestic violence—whether it’s verbal, physical, emotional, economic, or intimidation—cannot be condoned or accepted in our neighborhoods. It’s up to family and friends to help those in abusive relationships to get out safely, and it’s up to the victim to stop the cycle.

Muslims cannot turn a blind eye to domestic violence in our communities. Islam does not condone it, and neither should we. Read More >

Domestic Violence Hurts Muslims Too: Stop the Hurt Now
By Dr. Aneesah Nadir

Three to four million women are beaten annually and every 15 seconds a woman is abused in her home. One reaction may be, "that's a tragedy that doesn't effect Muslim families." But it does.

While research on the prevalence of family violence among Muslims is just beginning, Imams, community leaders and social workers across North America confirm that Muslim women, children and men are being affected by this devastating social problem. Read More >

Tips to Prevent Domestic Violence in Your Marriage

• Beware of the need to control your spouse. This is a gateway to domestic abuse
• Beware of anger out of control. Remember, what the Prophet, peace be upon him, told us to do when we are angry: if we are standing we should sit; if sitting, lie down. This is one way to take a time out before displaying anger out of control
• Agree to Disagree. As a couple you may not always agree on an issue but you can agree to disagree
• Practice good problem solving and conflict resolution skills
• Respect and value each other and women as the Prophet commanded in his last sermon
• Conduct a thorough background check prior to getting married to see if your potential spouse has a history of domestic abuse in a previous marriage or with other family members. Recognize this as a sign that it may not be a suitable match for marriage
• Learn from the remarkable examples the Prophet throughout his married life. He never hit anyone. He was always kind and patient!

1. Exercise together while remembering Allah.
2. Make dua together. Take turns leading the Dua.
3. Play board games as a family.