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PORNOGRAPHY

11 Ways to Help Someone Deal With Porn Addiction

by Sound Vision Staff Writer

You may have noticed your best friend spends a lot of time on the internet. When you talk to him about it, he mentions what great websites he’s visited, included some pornographic sites easily accessible to almost anyone with a couple of clicks of a mouse and the typing in of a password.

You listen to this in dismay. This person is a loved one or friends. You want to say something about why getting involved with pornography is wrong, but you don't want to jeopardize your relationship. What can you do?

The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, advised: Whoever among you sees a Munkar (offensive or evil act), then he must change it with his hand; if he is incapable, then with his tongue; if he is incapable, then with his heart; and that is the weakest faith (Muslim).

Here are 11 ways you can help a loved one or friend beat pornography addiction:

Tip #1: Know what you are talking about

Know the Islamic perspective on this issue by reading up on it and talking to knowledgeable and trustworthy Muslims.

Tip #2: Hate it with your heart

Sometimes, we are not in a position where we can do anything about pornography with by doing or saying something about. The least we should do is hate this in our hearts. That means hating to hear dirty jokes, to see half-naked individuals selling products on television or in magazines, and hating to encounter this kind of material in general. By hating it, we will develop a sensitivity against it.

Tip #3: Practice what you preach

Not only is this an Islamic requirement, but keep in mind that if your anti-porn admonition will lose its value if you’re caught watching or reading similar material.

Tip #4: Show genuine concern for him or her

Good relationships are built on a deep concern for others. This is why so many young people turn to friends instead of parents in times of crisis because many parents often don't express this concern openly. By showing genuine concern, your advice is more likely to be heeded.

Tip #5: Be sincere in your advice

Ensure that your advice is given with full sincerity, for the sake of God, which is reflected in your concern for this individual.

Tip #6: Speak to him/her in private

NEVER bring up this problem in front of other people. Even if your friend or loved one doesn't realize watching pornography is wrong, belittling him or exposing this fault in front of others will make him defensive and angry. He'll probably not want to associate with you very much after you've humiliated him publicly. Your opportunity to help will lost.

Give your advice when the two of you are alone.

Tip #7: Timing is (almost) everything

Bring up the topic indirectly. Either wait for him to tell you about his latest internet surfing adventures or when something inappropriate comes on television, lower your gaze or ask him to change the channel. When he asks why, begin the discussion.

Tip #8: Be gentle

Yelling, screaming, threatening or trying to trash the family computer are tactics that not going to get your friend or loved one to stop viewing pornography. Remember that harshness often makes people rebel instead of turning them towards what's right. Think about your parents. When they yell at you to do something, are you likely to do what they ask happily and willingly? Or are you more likely to do it if they address you in a gentle and kind manner? Use the same principle.

Tip #9: Speak about your personal experience

Start off describing your own initial ignorance about this topic. Explain how after doing some research you found out why watching pornography and similar material was unacceptable and you decided to stop looking at it. This will make it clear that you yourself are dealing with the problem. After this, discuss gently about their own problem with pornography.

Tip #10: Be patient

In a best-case scenario, your friend or loved one will realize the error of his or her ways, and eventually stop looking at the pornographic material.

In a most-case scenario, he or she will feel uncomfortable, but will not be willing to give up this habit and may even try to justify it.

Be patient. Change does not happen overnight. Keep at it, but continue to be gentle, and wisely bring up the issue. Offer to help. Offer some tips to help beat addiction to pornography.

Tip #11: Make Dua for him

Only Allah can change anyone's heart and give them the will to change. Pray for your friend or loved one regularly. Don't give up on them.

 

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PORNOGRAPHY: HOW TO DEAL WITH IT
Pornography: Some Statistics and Facts
Is Pornography Halal?
Seeking Forgiveness from Allah
11 Tips on Enjoining the Good And Forbidding the Evil
15 Tips for Teens
20 Tips for Parents to Educate kids about Pornography
12 Step guide To Deal with Pornography Addiction
Muslim Youth who use the Internet for the Halal
Fighting Pornography in America
Discuss Your thoughts in the Forum: DEALING WITH PORNOGRAPHY

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Your Comments

Floyd, deland - wrote on 5/5/2012 11:04:05 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: Think about hiring a Muslim Sober Companion.


javeed, haji - wrote on 3/26/2012 4:19:33 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: please show me another way to get rid of porn


adnan, sharjah - wrote on 6/17/2011 2:35:07 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment: its very nic


tawbah, SF - wrote on 10/14/2009 2:52:17 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment: Practical advice for practical change: 1. have a dua on the top of your computer: allahuma innee aoothubika minal kubthi wal kabaaith - (God i seek protection from both clean and unclean spirits). Have the habit of making this dua before logging onto your computer every time. (just like when you enter the bathroom) - become habitual in this practice and you will find protection. Remember the saying, "guard your thoughts for they become your words (spoken or typed), guard your words as they become your actions, guard your actions as they become your habits, guard your habits as they dictate your character, guard your character as it will become your destiny." Next, do not keep a computer/ iphone/ or other electronic device that can access haram in places of privacy... i.e. bathrooms/ bedrooms/ etc. Remember what we do in private we assuredly would avoid in public. Next, make a commitment to yourself.. each time that you fall away from the path ... in terms of looking at something inappropriate on line.... make the vow that you will do something ... i.e. fast the next day. interestingly when muslims are fasting they will seldom break fast for something like looking at inappropriate matter on line. Next, realize that this is a problem faced by many people.. including myself.. dont feel alone.. you are in a struggle that is being faced by everyone who has an XandY chromosome. Remember the life of good character is worth more than the satisfaction of the eyes.. If you are not married... fast / fast /fast and keep busy with sports/ exercise/ and other halal pursuits/... spending time with muslim or christian friends/ etc. Don't be afraid to call for help.. ie. call a friend of the opposite sex.. don't discuss your particular problem as.. haram should remain hidden. Meet them for coffee ... tennis/ whatever distracts you from the haram. Talk to your spouse, and explain the importance of making regular time for intimate time. If your wife is overweight or is uninterested... confront her re: your desires and your concern for its effects on your deen.. ... talk to her honestly that it would make you happy for her to loose weight and prioritize regular intimacy time... stop making excuses and start making changes... Remember you aren't a passenger in your body... you are the driver.. you can direct where your mind and your deeds go.. you are in charge and have the power to overcome any desire.. you prove this to yourselves every Ramadan for 30 days.. start exercising together.. Also, remember appetites are like cousins to one another.. appetite for food is similar for cigarettes, sex, etc... they all stimulate similar receptors in the brain.. if you have difficulty with one appetite then by controlling another one you may find greater ease in fighting an addiction. Bottomline, put up a wall of habits that will eliminate the problem.. i.e. regular salah, controlling food, avoiding bad company, dua's when you go on line, keeping the computer out of private areas, exercise, appetite control (1/3,1/3,1/3) on a regular basis.. then make dua for the others out there who suffer this same ailment.. remember that we can fight and beat this problem.. Transparency to your own heart is the key..


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