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Page url: http://www.soundvision.com/Info/domesticviolence/myths.asp


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survivor, ont - wrote on 4/11/2011 8:56:21 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment:If you are one of 37% of domestic violence survivors who are men, why not go to a site online for men to get your support and information. There are a number of good ones directed at men. I know you feel left out by this site but remember women are the majority who are battered and we also need a site to turn to for information.


, Cedar Rapids, IA - wrote on 1/29/2011 9:52:57 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment:I finally saved up enough pennies to escape a three year emotionally and physically abusive relationship. He attacked me again in my car in his driveway thru my car window. While trying to escape the blows to my head I pressed on the accelerator while in the wrong gear and ran into his garage door. I finally got away and was pulled over and arrested and charged with criminal mischief. I was trying to get to a safe place to report him because he had guns in the garage, but he called police first and falsely reported that I was drunk driving claiming I purposely damaged his property. The officer could have cared less that his attacks resulted in the car accident or that his previous wife had filed a no contact order against him. I agreed to a sobriety test showing that I was NOT intoxicated, which proved he was lying. When I told the officer who was wrongly arresting me that I wanted to press assault charges he responded with : "He said you sure know how to push his buttons" and when I told him my head was hurting he said "you have too much hair, I can't see anything" arrested me, transported me to another county and jailed me without reading me my rights or telling me what I was being charged with. I had never even had a speeding ticket prior to this false arrest. A corrupt legal system and unethical court appointed attorneys has resulted in me being court ordered to pay a domestic abuser (with a history of violence against women) thousands of dollars for a small dent to a garage door. The domestic violence laws mean nothing, because the police and prosecutors are usually men, who fail to enforce the laws properly. In my case, the abuser was the son of a public official, and knew the arresting officer, so everything was turned around on me. I now have a fake criminal record that has decimated my ability to work in my trained profession, can barely support my two children and have spent years appealing illegal court procedures and judgments. I have reported the discriminatory treatment to every governmental agency possible and no one has helped me. I now know why women stay, because if you report him (or her) while you live with them and have no ability to leave, they will beat you worse. If you do manage to leave they will just threaten you or find some way to ruin your life, if not kill you. I filed a restraining order against him as soon as I was released from jail, that he violated many times without punishment. IT EASY FOR OTHERS TO JUDGE VICTIMS OF ABUSE BECAUSE THEY HAVE NEVER BEEN THROUGH IT. They simply cannot understand how trapped you are or how scared you are every minute of every day if you do find the courage to leave. I am currently being forced by the court to PAY an abuser for damage that he caused with his violent actions. I still have nightmares that he is beating me, that no one will help me. The physical violence may end, but you are emotionally scarred for life. Many years have passed but he is still controlling me life. I am regularly required to appear for court proceedings because I have no ability to pay the thousands of dollars (illegally) assessed for a small dent to one panel of a garage door. I am purposely degraded and required to submit proof of poverty, then ordered to make monthly installments I cannot afford and required to appear again in several mos if thousands of dollars are not paid off -while he laughs all the way to the bank. Domestic Violence will never end until those entrusted to protect the victims actually get training to understand this type of control/violence, then actually do their jobs with integrity.


MJG, some were USA - wrote on 11/19/2010 3:39:55 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment:I also have been the victim of DV and yes I am not a woman but a man. I too am happy that you have showed the rates for woman but what about us men. we are the under reported victims in this both by being painted as only an aggressor and by no one shining the light on us as victims as has been done with woman. There needs to be a lot more education on this fact that men are victims also as stated any other way is a myth in its self also.


MJG, some were USA - wrote on 11/19/2010 3:38:46 PM
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Comment:I also have been the victim of DV and yes I am not a woman but a man. I too am happy that you have showed the rates for woman but what about us men. we are the under reported victims in this both by being painted as only an aggressor and by no one shining the light on us as victims as has been done with woman. There needs to be a lot more education on this fact that men are victims also as stated any other way is a myth in its self also.


HAMY, London UK - wrote on 10/12/2010 10:34:59 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment:Masha-AlLaah, I applaud the efforts of the SoundVision Team for raising the flag of D.V. victims. However I am rather hurt that this article - and the majority of information about D.V. on the site - is so one-sided, to the pointwhere it actually sounds like domestic violence is carried out by men alone and the only victims are women. I am a woman who was a victim of years of domestic abuse at the hands of my former sister-in-law who also used to hit my parents, her husband (my brother) and their young children. Now that they are divorced, she claims to have been the victim and uses this card to keep custody of the children, whom she continues to hit and mentally abuse. Over the last nine years in my work withing the West London community in the UK, I have come across numerous cases where the victims of D.V. are often men; husbands, former husbands, fathers and fathers-in-law. The next most common victims are the children. While I support the much needed efforts being made to help women and girls who fall victim to D.V. I do feel it is extremely unfair to all those men out there for whom there is not one single ounce of help. The moment they turn to someone for some support, they are either laughed at, belittled or simply ignored. Who even cares if a man is being abused by his wife? Who even recognises it as domestic abuse when he is the victim? All a woman has to do is turn up to work with worry lines and a complaint against her husband for everyone to jump on the D.V. bandwaggon in her deffence - couldn't we see some advice about how to help the men who face that same daily torture the article talks about happening to women please? I don't understand why we still have such double standards! Islam doesn't, so why the rest of us?


tanya, atlanta, ga - wrote on 6/10/2010 8:43:16 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment:i am a domestic abuse survivor and some of the responses realy bother me.it would be very difficult for a woman to do to a man what my sons father did to me.i never had the mind frame that it was okay for me to hit a man and that he could'nt hit me back.as a matter of fact i did'nt defend myself because that would have required deadly force and even though he did many things to me i did'nt want to kill him, i did'nt want to put my son through that.i don't think it is anymore right for a woman to hit a man than the other way around. this islam guy sounds like a woman beater to me.he seems to be making excuses for domestic violence.also, it is one of the cycles of abuse for a batterer to provoke the victim. another fact for you, if you dont believe it look it up, murder is the number one cause of death for pregnant women. also to this islamic guy, are you implying that married women arent abused? i was in a support group for survivors and seven out of the ten of us were married to the abuser. either way you slice it, the statistics are probably worse than reported because women are less likely to report it, you are more likely to get killed after you leave, and a majority of fatalities happen when there is a protective order.


Kikiloverfall, N.Y - wrote on 12/21/2009 8:53:24 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment:Nice information, however regardless about this page anyone out there who is getting physically and emotionally abused don't just stand there get help! i did what I could and I got my happily ever after. Now, you make your choice and you get your happily ever after. You don't deserve a life full of pain and misery. Listen just call out for help. Don't be afraid because they have no right of treating you like that. And also for people out there that know people getting abused or hurt help them. Get help now!!!


GG, Jackson - wrote on 11/1/2009 7:19:50 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment:I agree with Maxie in Kingston. Until individuals experience what I have experienced they can never know what it is like to live in the hell and finally make the decision to get away for good. But then, there are the flash backs and the dreams that exists, but thanks to God I am finally free from the memories and find myself helping others to overcome.


maxie, Kingston - wrote on 10/11/2009 3:45:03 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment:The first fact under myth # 5 really scares me. I have left an abusive relationship after four previous attempts, That fact makes me more vulnerable? May God help me. Lots of persons can talk, but unless you experience it first hand you cannot understand.


Zinia, California - wrote on 7/26/2005 12:25:16 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment:Because there are other facts out there supporting men who are abused, doesn't make these facts false. Congratulations on a great page!


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