1-800-432-4262
  News | Education | Halal & healthy | Parenting | Teens | Kids | Marriage | The Quran | Glossary 
Audio Video Computer Books Gifts & Things Games


Rate this Article

Holiday Myths - DVD

$19.95 $14.95
Buy Now


Hamza's First Fast (Hamza The Muslim Boy Series)

$5.00 $3.95
Buy Now


Prophet Muhammad Honored by U.S Supreme Court - Brochure

$13.00
Buy Now

13 tips if you are a victim of domestic violence in the West

Of women who reported being raped and/or physically assaulted since the age of 18, three quarters (76 percent) were victimized by a current or former husband, cohabitating partner, date or boyfriend. — (Prevalence Incidence, and Consequences of Violence Against Women: Findings from the National Violence Against Women Survey, U.S. Department of Justice, November, 1998.)

Estimates range from 960,000 incidents of violence against a current or former spouse, boyfriend, or girlfriend per year to 4 million women who are physically abused by their husbands or live-in partners per year. — (Violence by Intimates: Analysis of Data on Crimes by Current or Former Spouses, Boyfriends, and Girlfriends, U.S. Department of Justice, March, 1998.)

*****

By Sound Vision Staffwriter

If you are a victim of domestic violence, you must take action. You must get help. You are not alone. The statistics above should make that very clear.

Here are some practical things you can do to help end the nightmare for you and your family.

1. Know what the signs of being a victim of abuse are

You are a victim of domestic violence and/or abuse if you answer yes to these questions:

1. Does your spouse regularly find fault with you or tell you are worthless?

2. Does he refuse to let you have friends?

3. Does he keep you from seeing your family?

4. Does he stop you from leaving the house without a valid reason?

5. Does he make you afraid by what he says (for instance, does he threaten you)?

Please note the following: If the abuser wants to change the way he acts, he can get counseling. WIth long term help some men have learned to stop being abusers. The abuse usually gets worse over time.

2. Get medical treatment if you are hurt

If you are injured after an attack of domestic violence, get medical treatment as soon as possible. You do not have to tell anyone who caused the injury, but it is better for your treatment if you tell the doctor exactly what happened. Keeping notes or a diary of your injuries and the times you were abused may help if you decide to leave later.

3. Once you recognize the abuse, know you are not to blame

As the statistics above indicate, you are not alone and the abuse is not your fault. No wife deserves to be abused by her husband, this is not just the law of America, this is the law of Islam. There is help if you are a victim and you must protect yourself and your kids from the violence.

4. Think about the effect on your kids

You have to think about the effect the domestic violence is having on your children because kids growing up in an abusive home accept it as a fact of life and think violence at home is normal. If the abuser is also abusing the kids, they can call child welfare services for help, advice or counseling.

5. Tell someone trustworthy about it

Telling someone else about it is a way of getting help. If you have been isolated from most family and friends, confide in someone you can trust from whom you do have contact with. Telling someone is a way of breaking out of suffering in silence. And in emergency cases, it could mean contact with someone who could one day save your life.

6. Know these words

There are certain words you need to know when the topic of domestic violence comes up with outsiders. Here are some of them:

Assault-this happens when someone uses force or the threat of force on someone else without the person's consent.

Bail hearing-this is a court proceeding that happens after a person has been arrested and charged. The court decides if the person should be released with conditions such as being told he cannot contact you or the decision to hold him in jail or on conditional release.

Criminal harassment-if your abuser is repeatedly following you or in communication with you or watching your behavior and acting in a threatening manner towards you or your children, this is committing an offence called criminal harassment and it is sometimes called stalking. In many cases men do this when women take shelter.

District attorney (in the U.S.) or Crown Attorney (in Canada)-this is a lawyer who represents the government. S/he presents the case to the court when a crime has been committed.

Custody-if you have custody of your kids you are legally responsible for making major decisions about their upbringing and schooling. Custody does not necessarily mean the kids won't see their father.

Legal aid or legal help-this is legal help for women who cannot afford it. This is usually found at a legal aid office. It is free. To find out about it, contact your local lawyers' referral service by checking the yellow pages.

Order of civil/family court or a restraining order-if you are afraid for your safety and don't want to contact the police, you can get an order from a civil or family court stating that the abuser must stay away from you (this is called a restraining order). You should get legal help to find out about the civil and family court orders in your state or province.

Peace bond-if you are afraid for your safety, you can get this. It is a criminal court order with conditions (for instance, the abuser may be told he cannot see or contact you at all. If he does not follow these orders, the police may arrest him). For more information about this, ask the lawyer.

Probation-this is a criminal court order that can be part of a sentence for an offender. A person on probation will have conditions set on release such as going to counseling.

7. Questions to ask if you are an immigrant women

If you are an immigrant woman who is suffering abuse in the home, ask yourself:

a. Am I going to lose my sponsorship by leaving my spouse as a result of abuse? The answer is no.

b. Is it better for me to leave? What about the custody of children and what services are available to me? The answer to this is to ask yourself: how dangerous is it if I stay? Is there a gun in the house? Has the abuser ever used a weapon like a knife or a stick to hurt me? Does the abuser take drugs or drink?

8. Keep the following documents with you

If it's an emergency and you have to leave the house quickly, do NOT stop to collect your things.

If there is time though, get the following documents: birth certificate, passport, citizenship papers, immigration papers, child custody papers (if there are any), the abuser's social insurance number, court orders such as a peace bond, health card, social insurance card, money and credit cards, checkbook, bankbook, savings bonds, personal telephone and address book, medicine, housekeys, drivers license and car keys, children's favorite toys, clothing for a few days and valuable jewelry. If you have been thinking of leaving the home to escape violence for a while, start collecting these things.

9. Establish a protection plan

A protection plan is a plan of where you will go if you must escape from the home during an attack and what you and your children will need if you are forced to leave (see list above).

You need a protection plan if you are in an abusive relationship or have recently left an abusive relationship, especially if you remain in the family home where your husband can return even in violation of any court order you have and threaten to assault you again.

But even if you leave the family home, your husband may search for you and once again threaten to assault you. Should this happen you need a protection plan so you can reach to safety with your children.

Keep in mind that an assault of domestic violence is usually followed by a period of calm, which is called the "honeymoon period" where the abuser feels and acts sorry for the abuse. This period is followed by a gradual buildup of tensions, leading to another attack. You need a protection plan so that when you feel another attack about to happen, you will be able to go to a safe place with your kids. Do not be misled into thinking that when a man is in the honeymoon period things are going to be okay from now on and the abuse will stop.

These are the elements of a protection plan:

1. Be aware of the sort of behavior that precedes an attack. Is alcohol an element of abuse? Are there other indicators that an attack is about to happen? Usually, there are.

2. Decide on some safe place you can go with your kids. This might include the mosque, a crisis shelter, another home, relatives, friends, hotel, or another place in which you feel safe.

3. Decide how you will get there. Keep some money and a set of extra keys with you and some with your family and/or friends, so you can leave by taxi. This way, even if you don't have money, you can quickly escape to the friend's house by taxi when you feel an attack is imminent. You might arrange with friends, neighbors or relatives that they will come and pick you up when you feel it is necessary. The police, RCMP or social workers also might help.

4. Decide how you may escape from your home when an attack is imminent. Make sure you know where the nearest public phone is and try to memorize the number of the local shelter and what to take when you leave.

10. Know these telephone numbers

The first few pages of a telephone book list numbers of police and other emergency services. Know these numbers by heart. Also, gather information such as the addresses and telephone numbers of people who can help.

11. Build your knowledge and skills

Try to do things that make you feel better like getting counseling from a qualified professional (preferably Muslim) or learning new job skills. Look for friends and family members who can help you.

12. For more information go to these places

Women's shelters, police, crown attorney's office-they all have a department dealing with this. You can also check hospitals, multicultural associations, women's centers, a local YWCA, telephone crisis lines, the Public Legal Education and Information Association (in Canada), lawyer referral services, legal aid offices, doctors or public health nurses, social workers, mosques, Islamic centers, Islamic social services Association (ISSA) or regional Islamic social services.

13. Find a longer term safe place

Where is the safest place you can stay for a while? It could be family, or a fellow Muslim sister who can help provide money for you and your kids. Look for those people who can be sympathetic.

------Some relevant resources:

Buy Gender Equity in Islam
Buy Jamal Badawi
This book presents an effective overview of the status and rights of Muslim women as defined by the Quran and Sunnah.

Buy The Muslim Marriage Guide
By Ruqaiyyah Waris Maqsood
The best book for a key to a happy Marriage, explains what a Muslim should do to make his or her marriage successful!

DVD: The Ideal Muslim Husband
An eye opening DVD documentary for all who are married or planning to get married.

Take a Domestic Violence Survey
Domestic Violence Conference Call Registration :
Classes in Domestic Violence

Presentation Request on Domestic Violence



A CRIME CALLED DOMESTIC!
Muslim Wife Burned to Death in Chicago
Chicago Reaction to the Tragedy
Myths & Facts about Domestic Violence
Family Violence Statistics
How to Deal with Your Anger
13 Tips for a Victim
A Guide for Imams to Handle Domestic Violence
11 Tips for Friends of a Victim

SoundVision's Page on Domestic Violence

Introducing Sound Vision
helping tomorrow's Muslims today!

About Us Volunteer FAQs Donate



Your Comments

Zia Hyder, Auckland-1025 - wrote on 7/18/2010 3:21:39 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: Yeah I do agree with Mke, Los Angeles to remove gender as any one he/ she can be a victim of violence.


Mke, Los Angeles - wrote on 2/28/2010 6:35:35 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: Thank you for this information, it is very good information; however I do disagree in the use of gender reference, this puts a gender bias towards this very real and dangerous problem. I believe that saying he or she is not as helpful to people as it could be. There is an abuser and a target of that abuser. From my experience, the abuser is often quite charming and pleasant to other people and you would not know anything is wrong typically; you might not even believe that the abuser could do such a thing and the target has some type of problem. Also, the term victim in my opinion is and only should be used when a person is deceased. No one can have any power over any person unless that person gives them permission to do so. Domestic violence, without any tools and without any help, sets up an easy excuse to fall victim to being a victim. With tools and informed help, it is possible to save your life and build up a trust and respect the other person. This is dependent of course on the willingness of both parties, I think this especially important when children are involved. I am a male who is the target of domestic violence from a female abuser. This is much more common than one might think. I think the knowledge and information available about domestic violence/abuse would be better served in taking the gender out of the information. Most abusers have no idea that there can be love, honor, and respect with two people that love each other because most abusers were once targets. To the target this is not unlike a perfect TV show, to them it simply does not exist, but really there are families that do show love and respect to each other everyday. These families do exist and some of them were once either targets or abusers themselves. It is called growing up and taking responsibility for what you say and do. Own your own stuff and stop blaming everyone for what happened to you,


Post your comment


   
FREE Newsletter

Loaded with Valuable Deals & Content!

 Name:
 
 Email:
 
 Be the FIRST to receive: FRESH Perspectives, Helpful Tips & Exclusive Product Offers!

 Preferred mail format:
  auto-detect
  text  HTML
 
Search The Quran
YusufAli Pickthall
Surah Ayah
Something to Ask...
O Allah!
I seek refuge in You from the trials and the torment of the Fire and from the evils of wealth and poverty.
RadioIslam.com
  News | Education | Halal & healthy | Parenting | Teens | Kids | Marriage | The Quran | Glossary 
Copyright © 2014 Sound Vision Foundation, Inc. All rights reserved worldwide.
2701 W. Devon Ave., Chicago, IL. 60659, USA
Email: info@soundvision.com · Phone: 773-973-4200
Follow us on: Twitter - Facebook - YouTube
Last update: