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Your Comments

AMuslimUser, NY - wrote on 5/27/2011 8:44:26 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: (Updated post with more info) ASAK, Need some advice on how to deal with a situation(s). I have been married for a few years with a baby. I was raised in the US and so was my husband. We are both moderate muslims and are of Indian/Pakistani descent. After being married for a few years, the honeymoon phase was surely over and I understand that happens to everyone, but we were drifting apart. Not really having much to talk about, we didn’t have mutual hobbies, or interests, etc. About 2 years ago when I was 3 months pregnant, I found out through several text messages, emails, and Facebook messages that my husband was having an "emotional affair" with a woman he worked with. (This non-muslim woman was engaged to be married for the second time and has two children. I knew of this woman, but never met her or knew the extent of their relationship. She was fired from her job where she worked with my husband one week before I found out). In my husband’s communication with her, he had been using terms of endearment with her, telling her she is the best thing that ever happened to him and he was blessed to have her in his life, that she was beautiful in all aspects, he wrote to her one morning telling her that he woke up and couldn’t stop thinking about her (This is all while I was laying right next to him), he shared plans and exciting things about his own life with her before even sharing them with me, and he also shared our marital problems with her etc. From what I could tell, this had been going on for 5 months. During my pregnancy (before I found out about the affair), I had very bad morning sickness all day, every day to the point where I had to take medication because I could not function otherwise. At times my husband would offer to go out and pick up dinner for me, etc while I rested at home because I could only tolerate a small number of foods. I praised him to our family and friends and even told them that I had the best husband. Later, I realized through phone records, that he wanted to get out just so he could talk to this woman. I would sometimes call him on my way to or from work and he would either ignore my call and say he didn’t hear the phone ring or talk to me for a minute and say “I’ll see you at home. I don’t like talking on the phone”. This, again, was so he could talk/message with her. As soon as he got off the phone with me, he would continue talking to her. One day, while I was as sick as a dog, I came and sat next to him on the couch while he was browsing through his phone. When I jokingly asked who he was talking to (messaging) and tried to look at his phone, he said “Stop it, you idiot” and got up and sat on the other couch. One day, I even noticed that she commented on his Facebook statuses/posts and joking said “Why is this skank always on your Facebook page?” He raised his voice and defended her and said “Don’t say that about her!” He even went as far as asking me to help this woman find a job at my company after she was fired (Again this was all before I found out). After finding the text messages, etc. I confronted him and he initially denied that they were anything more than friends. Once I told him what I found and broke down crying and told him how hurt I was and couldn’t believe what happened, he apologized for his actions and for taking me for granted and cried, etc. and eventually admitted that he had romantic feelings for her. I was hurt beyond belief and thought that it might even have been my fault. That maybe I should have been more supportive, maybe I wasn't pretty enough, maybe I wasn’t fun enough, etc. I asked him to call this woman right in front of me and he made up and excuse and refused, so I made him send this woman an email telling her that his behavior with her was inappropriate, etc and to never contact him again. Anyways, I told him at that point that if there was anything else he was hiding/lying to me about, then to tell me right then. He said there was nothing else. I tried very hard to be a good, supportive, and loving wife after things came out even though I couldn’t stop thinking about what had happened. He tried to be a good, attentive husband as well. It was almost as if we were newlyweds again. The baby came and things were good for the most part although I felt like he was slowly going back to taking me for granted again. It was still not as bad as it was before. I was always doubtful of him and didn't completely trust him though and it’s the worst feeling to not be able to trust your own spouse. Before my husband and I were engaged, my husband was still in school working on his undergrad degree. My family’s condition for us getting married was that he complete his undergrad degree while we were engaged and BEFORE we get married and then he begin working on his masters, which he told us was his plan. He and his family agreed and we got engaged and then married. Years went by and he would take a class here and there and say it was for his masters. 3 months ago, I came to find out that he still hadn't finished his undergrad degree. He had been lying to me, my family, and his own family for years. I was furious and wanted to leave him. The only thing that held me back from leaving him both times was the baby. I want nothing more than for my child to have a happy, loving, and stress-free home life. However, there is no honestly, love, or commitment in this marriage. Every time we argue about something not related to either event, I can't help but bring them up. I have had a lot of minor quarrels with my mother in law throughout our marriage as well. Mostly due to her need to "be in control" all the time, even when at my house. I have tried to let things go as much as possible, but in the last year she has made up lies about me and more recently, she said offensive things about my family to others right in front of me. Later, when asked about it, she denied everything. This caused a lot of tension for me and added on to the other two issues between my husband and I. I still want my child to have a happy and loving home, but I am at the point where I feel that I cannot tolerate being married to this man or being a part of his family anymore. I am certain that if there were no baby in the picture, I would have left a long time ago. Need advice please. Is it worth staying married to someone that has lied, deceived, and hurt me like this and then get lied about by his mother too? This causes lots of tension for me everyday and I really don’t know if I can take it anymore.


AMuslimUser, NY - wrote on 5/26/2011 4:09:44 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment: ASAK, Need some advice on how to deal with a situation(s). I have been married for a few years with baby. I was raised in the US and so was my husband. We are both moderate muslims. About 2 years ago when I was 3 months pregnant, I found out through several text messages, emails, and Facebook messages that my husband was having a "emotional affair" with a woman he worked with. (This non-muslim woman was engaged to be married for the second time and had two children. She was also fired from her job where she worked with my husband one week before I found out). He denied it when I initially confronted him, and then admitted he had feelings for this woman once I told him I saw the text messages, etc. He apologized for his actions and for taking me for granted and cried, etc. I was hurt beyond belief and thought that it might even have been my fault. Maybe I should have been more supportive, maybe I wasn't pretty enough, maybe I was boring, etc. I made him send this woman an email telling her that his behavior with her was inappropriate, etc and to never contact him again. Anyways, I told him at that point that if there anything else he was hiding/lying to me about, then he needed to tell me right then. He said there was nothing else. He tried to be a good attentive husband during the rest of my pregnancy. The baby came and things were good for the most part although I was always doubtful of him and didn't completely trust him. It's the worst feeling to not be able to trust your own spouse. Before my husband and I were engaged, my husband was still in school working on his undergrad degree. My parent's condition for us getting married was that he finish his degree first and then begin working on his masters. He and his family agreed and we got engaged and then married thinking that he finished his undergrad degree. Years went by and he would take a class here and there and say it was for his masters. 3 months ago, I came to find out that he still hadn't finished his undergrad degree. He had been lying to me, my family, and his own family for years. I was furious and wanted to leave him and I still sometimes feel that I do. The only thing that help me back from leaving him both times was the baby. I wan't nothing more than for my child to have a happy loving home. However, there is no honestly, love, or commitmentment in this marriage. Everytime we argue about something not related to either event, I can't help but bring it up. I have had alot of minor quarrels with my mother in law throughout our marriage as well. Mostly due to her need to "be in control" all the time even when at my house. I have tried to let things go as much as possible, but in the last year she has made up lies about me and more recently, she said offensive things about my family to others right in front of me. Later, when asked about it, she denied everything. This caused alot of tension for me and added on to the other two issues between us. I still want my child to have a happy and loving home, but I am at the point where I feel that I cannot tolerate being married to this man or being a part of his family anymore. I am certain that if there were no baby in the picture, I would have left a long time ago. Need advise please. Is it worth staying married to someone that has lied and deceived me with two major things and then get lied about by his mother? This causes lots of tension for me everyday.


AMuslimUser, NY - wrote on 5/26/2011 4:08:07 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment: ASAK, Need some advice on how to deal with a situation(s). I have been married for a few years with baby. I was raised in the US and so was my husband. We are both moderate muslims. About 2 years ago when I was 3 months pregnant, I found out through several text messages, emails, and Facebook messages that my husband was having a "emotional affair" with a woman he worked with. (This non-muslim woman was engaged to be married for the second time and had two children. She was also fired from her job where she worked with my husband one week before I found out). He denied it when I initially confronted him, and then admitted he had feelings for this woman once I told him I saw the text messages, etc. He apologized for his actions and for taking me for granted and cried, etc. I was hurt beyond belief and thought that it might even have been my fault. Maybe I should have been more supportive, maybe I wasn't pretty enough, maybe I was boring, etc. I made him send this woman an email telling her that his behavior with her was inappropriate, etc and to never contact him again. Anyways, I told him at that point that if there anything else he was hiding/lying to me about, then he needed to tell me right then. He said there was nothing else. He tried to be a good attentive husband during the rest of my pregnancy. The baby came and things were good for the most part although I was always doubtful of him and didn't completely trust him. It's the worst feeling to not be able to trust your own spouse. Before my husband and I were engaged, my husband was still in school working on his undergrad degree. My parent's condition for us getting married was that he finish his degree first and then begin working on his masters. He and his family agreed and we got engaged and then married thinking that he finished his undergrad degree. Years went by and he would take a class here and there and say it was for his masters. 3 months ago, I came to find out that he still hadn't finished his undergrad degree. He had been lying to me, my family, and his own family for years. I was furious and wanted to leave him and I still sometimes feel that I do. The only thing that help me back from leaving him both times was the baby. I wan't nothing more than for my child to have a happy loving home. However, there is no honestly, love, or commitmentment in this marriage. Everytime we argue about something not related to either event, I can't help but bring it up. I have had alot of minor quarrels with my mother in law throughout our marriage as well. Mostly due to her need to "be in control" all the time even when at my house. I have tried to let things go as much as possible, but in the last year she has made up lies about me and more recently, she said offensive things about my family to others right in front of me. Later, when asked about it, she denied everything. This caused alot of tension for me and added on to the other two issues between us. I still want my child to have a happy and loving home, but I am at the point where I feel that I cannot tolerate being married to this man or being a part of his family anymore. I am certain that if there were no baby in the picture, I would have left a long time ago. Need advise please. Is it worth staying married to someone that has lied and deceived me with two major things and then get lied about by his mother? This causes lots of tension for me everyday.


nooran, saudia arabia - wrote on 3/12/2011 4:25:27 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment: salam alikm how can helpe me married from american muslim fair man ........................


lilija, dublin - wrote on 10/26/2010 8:38:43 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: Fiktīvo laulību dēļ cietušās Latvijas meitenes Inta (21) un Liliana (23), kuras, kā jau Diena rakstīja, tika pakļautas arī vardarbībai, izlēmušas vērsties Latvijas vēstniecībā Īrijā, kas solījusi palīdzību turpmākajā saskarsmē ar vietējo policiju. Latvijas policija, kas šajā gadījumā īsti palīdzēt vairs nevar, savukārt paredzējusi sadarbībā ar Lietuvas kolēģiem tuvākajā laikā nosūtīt uz Īriju divus atašejus – šādi cerot pastiprināt kontroli pār nelegālo fiktīvo laulību biznesu, kurā iesaistīts simtiem Austrumeiropas meiteņu. “Kad dzīvs cilvēks uz vietas strādā, ir pavisam citi rezultāti,” Dienai norāda Valsts policijas priekšnieks Aldis Lieljuksis un aicina meitenes nebūt vieglprātīgām un rūpīgi izvērtēt visus aizdomīgos priekšlikumus. Diena jau rakstīja, ka trešo valstu pilsoņi, pārsvarā no Pakistānas, Indijas, Bangladešas, cerot saņemt uzturēšanās atļauju Īrijā, ir gatavi starpniekiem maksāt pat līdz 10 tūkstošiem eiro, lai apprecētu kādu Eiropas Savienības dalībvalsts iedzīvotāju, un pārsvarā šādās afērās tiek iesaistītas mazākturīgas meitenes no Austrumeiropas, kurām tiek piesolīts darbs, apmaksāta dzīvesvieta un dažos gadījumos – vēl 1000 latu. Cer uzlabot Kā ziņots, Lilianai Dublinā bija solīts darbs McDonald”s, bet tā vietā nācās fiktīvi precēties ar pakistānieti – viņš uz laulību pamata saņēma pastāvīgās uzturēšanās atļauju. Īrijā meitenei atņemti dokumenti, vīrs Muhameds Umers Ahrams pēc kāzām sācis kontrolēt Lilianas dzīvesveidu un viņu sist, viņas algu pārskaitījis savā kontā, draudējis nogalināt viņu un Latvijā palikušo dēlu. Savukārt Intai pērn draudzene piedāvājusi izpalīdzēt pakistāniešiem ar vīzu – gada laikā viņa ceļojusi no viena trešās valsts pilsoņa pie otra, jo nav vēlējusies tikt pārdota – par meiteni starpniekiem bijis jāmaksā 3000 eiro. Abos gadījumos vervēšanu organizējusi Latvijas pilsone, kas pati ir Dublinā precējusies ar pakistānieti. “Es gribu, lai viņa samaksā par to, lai izcieš to, ko es! Tā tas nepaliks, jo man uz visu mūžu paliks atmiņā tas, ko viņa izdarīja ar mani!” savu lēmumu vērsties pie Īrijas varas iestādēm pamato Inta. Meitenes mēģinājušas vērsties pie Īrijas policijas (gardas) jau iepriekš, taču neveiksmīgi. Tiesa, iespējas sodīt starpnieku Latvijas policijas vērtējumā ir ļoti nelielas – jāpierāda cilvēktirdzniecības fakts, proti, naudas samaksa vai tas, ka meitenes apprecinātas ar viltu, kā gluži nav. Īrijas varas iestādes vēlmi pēc ciešas sadarbības līdz šim nav izrādījušas, lai gan tur personas būtu sodāmas par uzturēšanās atļauju izkrāpšanu. Nejaucoties privātajā dzīvē Īrijas policija nekontrolē, cik godīgas ir laulības, kā tas notiek, piemēram, Latvijā vai ASV – neviens mājās nenāk un nepārbauda. Īrijas vēstnieks Latvijā Tims Movs Dienai to pamatoja ar nevēlēšanos iejaukties iedzīvotāju privātajā dzīvē. Tā vietā izdota instrukcija, ar kuru trešo valstu pilsoņiem tiek atteikta pastāvīgās uzturēšanās atļauja uz laulību pamata, ja viņi iepriekš nav dzīvojuši kādā citā ES dalībvalstī. Izsūtītas vairāk nekā 700 atteikuma vēstules, taču pret krāpniekiem vērstā likumdošana ietekmē arī pārus, kuru laulība ir reāla. “Aicinām visas ģimenes, kuras saņēmušas atteikumu, griezties vēstniecībā,” saka vēstniecības pārstāve Jeļena Lobzova. Kā ziņots, dažas Austrumeiropas valstis nolēmušas vērsties pret Īriju, apstrīdot šo kārtību. Jākontrolē augstskolai Arī Latvijas varas iestādes, kā izrādās, iebraukušās personas rūpīgi nekontrolē. Diena rakstīja, ka eksperminta laikā saskarās ar kādu Pakistānas pilsoni Umeru Čīmu (Umer Fateh Cheema 11.11.1972), kurš piedavāja fiktīvi apprecēties ar savu draugu, un, pēc paša teiktā, patlaban uzturas Lielbritānijā. Nepiekrītot darījumam, viņš (Umer Fateh Cheema 11.11.1972) sūtīja vēstules ar draudiem nogalināt. Diena pārliecinājās ka, viņš (Umer Cheema) skaitās Latvijas Universitātes students un, iespējams, viņam ir arī uzturēšanās atļauja. “Kontrole ir pilnībā augstskolas pārziņā,” skaidro Pilsonības un migrācijas lietu pārvaldes (PMPL) pārstāve Diāna Bogdanova. Ārvalstu studentiem uz gadu tiek izsniegta termiņuzturēšanās atļauja, kuru saņem, samaksājot studiju maksu. Atļauja augstskolai ik gadu jāpagarina PMPL. “Izsaucējam – šajā gadījumā LU – jāuzņemas pilna atbildība,” saka D.Bogdanova. LU no komentāriem, vai U.Čīms (Umer Fateh Cheema) aizvien reāli mācās, atsakās, atsaucoties uz likumu par personu datu aizsardzību un pārbaudīt to nesola


Begum, India - wrote on 8/13/2010 11:32:29 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: Assalamalekum it is a very good article....... 1.i want to know in islam love marriage is acceptable or not? 2.Iam in love with a guy we love eachother i have talk with my parents they are not accepted what should i try to do to conveince them plz help me? 3.It is haram to maary a guy to whom we had sex before marriage if yes means Why? 4.plz send all my ans to my email.plz help me.


Sound Vision Staffer, Chicago - wrote on 8/4/2010 10:15:34 AM
Rating: Rating

Comment: I see that many of you have personal questions that you need guidance on. If you like, you can email any of our staffers at info @ soundvision.com. We're not imams, but we can offer materials that can help guide you and, if need be, put you in touch with a professional who can help.


aasia, - wrote on 8/3/2010 5:00:29 PM
Rating: Rating

Comment: Hey, i love this guy alot and have been with him for ages but my parents and family will not accept him, theres more to it but would like to talk in confidential with someone, how do i get my parents to accept him? ?


mary, winston salam - wrote on 6/22/2010 9:27:05 PM
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Comment: salam alikoum please help me i am now muslim im a revert i feel very much im love with a muslim man and he says he loves me but he came to usa to marry a non muslim that helped him come here . he when back to his counrty now to visit and i can not find him any were we have had this relation ship for 2and a half years we takled every day he called me from jordan and then from usa when he was here please tell me what i can do .I just need advice please


yasin, uk - wrote on 6/17/2010 9:18:15 PM
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Comment: just wanted 2 tell u lot, iv been forced married


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